You Clearly Don't Know What 'Breaking News!' Means.

Why are we so willing to forgive celebrities? Is it simply because they’re famous? We always seem to give them a level of benefit of a doubt that normal people don’t get.

Swear to God, I was at the gym last night, bopping and flailing along on the elliptical machine, and I was flipping through TV channels. Normally I watch Jeopardy!, but I worked a little late yesterday and sadly missed the new Jeopardy! episode. Anyway, I was flipping through the channels and E! News was yelling “BREAKING NEWS!” So, naturally, I stopped.

It continued. “BREAKING NEWS! Justin Bieber goes indoor skydiving in Vegas and is banned for life after not posting a positive review on social media. He and his entourage all got free entrance, in exchange for the promised posting.” Then the host starts speculating. “Well, maybe he has a dedicated social media person in his entourage that usually reminds him to do these types of things, and maybe he just wasn’t there that day.”

Seriously? Several things come to mind at this point:

1. E! News needs to learn what “BREAKING NEWS!” means. This was neither breaking nor particularly news.

2. No one over about 15 cares about Justin Bieber.

3. Why were they giving him this benefit of the doubt? Maybe he has someone to tell him to post to social media in exchange for free stuff? Come on. Was it someone ELSE saying “Yes, give me free stuff, sure I’ll post something, no prob.”

Why can’t the news be more like “BREAKING NEWS! Bradley Cooper did something he said he would do and seems like a decent guy. Stay tuned for more people who hold themselves accountable. In other news, Justin Bieber continues to act like a normal 19-year-old and is pissing off his parents and neighbors. When asked for a comment, he responded, ‘Whatever! I’m a grown up and you can’t tell me what to DO!’”

Although, on the other end of the spectrum, while we may be too forgiving for a lot of celebrities, I know we see the other side of that coin, too.

Right now there is an old, white southern woman who is being castigated in the media and shamed by the public because she shockingly admitted to having said some racist things in the past.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with anything she said or think it is okay, but have you ever met anyone older in the South? They’re from a different generation, which does NOT BY ANY MEANS make it right, but does give some explanation.

People in older generations used to use negative racial language much more openly than people who still use it do today, and it's not okay, but it's part of the social learning curve that we all get as we and society ages and changes. A good example of this is the gay rights movement in this generation.

When I’m 70 years old, I hope that calling something “gay” in a negative way is not happening anymore, and that younger generations look back on the history of it and laugh at how opposed so many people were to gay rights. Just like we look back and see how many people were on the wrong side of history in the civil rights movement, opposing equality then, I truly hope that this new equality movement shows the same thing.

I love you, The Oatmeal.

Like I said, it doesn’t make it right or okay, but it’s more of an explanation, I suppose. We’ve all said stupid or offensive stuff and we aren’t individually shamed or hated

I’ve never cared much about Justin Bieber or Paula Deen, though I do have a secret love of tabloid magazines, so I am at least relatively informed about what’s going on in the celebrity fishbowl.

Not, like, every single day. Maybe once every other week or so, when I buy a tabloid mag at the drugstore.

I feel like we all get so offended by everything these days. Like, I can’t even say “I hate stupid people.” without people being all up in arms about it. Stupid people wouldn’t protest, because most of the time, they don’t realize they’re that stupid, but other people would start screaming “What if they can’t help being stupid?! What if it’s a DISEASE?” And then suddenly the Stupidity Association of America would be suing me for slander and defamation and internet trolls might release my personal information online and now I’m suddenly getting death threats and scared to leave my house and I have to get a bodyguard and a huge stupid-people-scaring dog.

And I just don’t have the money for all that, PLUS I don’t think my apartment is big enough for a giant stupidity-detecting dog. And I would want the Sherlock of slobbery four-legged friends.

*Sigh.*

I’m so blog-famous now, I just know that because I wrote the phrase “I hate stupid people” that all these terrible things are going to happen and I am going to end up with some huge hulking bouncer-bodyguard all up in my private bubble of space and all my food will be tasted by someone who would most certainly be my poison-tester, and I’ll have to get a huge furry dog, which I’ll insist on naming Dragon the dog, who will probably insist on sleeping in my bed, which will force Boyfriend and I to get a bigger bed, which will cost a lot of money, which I won’t have because I’ll be using it all to pay for my lawyers for defending me in the lawsuit that was filed by the Stupidity Association of American Stupid-heads, which will tie me up in court for years and years, and then Boyfriend will get sick of the bodyguard and the dog and the lack of privacy and will probably make me move away from it all, and then I’ll have to get my passport renewed so that we can go live on a deserted island somewhere far away, and I really super hate standing in line at the dumb post office to get my passport renewed.

Either that, or all those rabid humorless Justin Bieber fans will attack me on the streets. Oh, well!

P.S. Throughout this entire post, I apparently misspelled it as "Beiber." I didn't know the difference, but spellcheck does. Lol!

A Poem About Thieves In The Night

I lay my head down, 

To sleep, perchance to dream?
Nestled in cool sheets.

I wanted beautiful feet.

Free of callus, 

Free from dryness from sweating at the gym. 

So I draw a fresh sock

Upon each foot,

After wondrous moisturizing cream,

To make them beautiful.

Feet, be warm, 

Be moisturized and soft and lovely!

And to sleep I went, 
Softly floating,
Vaguely dreaming,
Dawn not yet a hint on the horizon. 
Stars shone bright, 
The night grew weary,
Pushing back the day.

Eventually, morning broke
Not to be held back any longer.
And me, waking
To the blaring of a rude alarm
That intruded on my bliss.

I reach, I snooze,
I stretch and smile.
I wake, reluctantly,
Before reaching for the day.

At first, I did not notice.

Just started to go about my morning.

Then, suddenly, I realized

I was no longer wearing socks!

What mystery! 

What defeat!

What trick of thieves of

Night is this?

Who would dare disturb my slumber

And take from me my socks?

Even the dryer waits until 

I am no longer standing next to it!

Thieves in the night,

You will not prevail!

I will avenge my stolen articles!

I will not stand for your rudeness, 
Your coarseness, your uncivilized, offensive ways!
You will stand trial for your crimes,
For I am nothing if not vengeful,
And adorable and polite and nice to have around. 

On the other hand, 
Though they were taken from my person
And my bubble of space was clearly breached,
At least you didn't run away with them
And hide them in your secret dungeon
Stuffed full with the possessions that 
You've stolen from the innocent while
They sleep their unknowing slumber. 

Whatever nefarious things you did,
Whatever the things you put those poor socks through,
For some reason, 
You left them neatly folded next to my side of the bed.
I suppose it would've been even more
Befuddling if you'd left them somewhere else.
Like the bathroom, or hanging on the ceiling fan. 

I suppose I should appreciate
That at least you recognized that they were not your socks to keep, 
Oh, Thieves of the Night, and 
At least allowed me to retain possession 
Of my own stolen socks.

Yet, there will be no forgiveness!
For I am still the vengeful sort!
Perhaps I'll find your secret dungeon
And start some thieving of my own!
And then you'll see.
And then you'll learn
What type of person you have messed with. 

You'll know not to take
What isn't yours, before
Oddly bringing them back to the scene of the crime,
Neatly placing them near the person you'd stolen from. 
I'll show you how it feels!
To have your innocence so shattered!
You'll think twice next time, 
Perhaps you'll have learned your lesson!
Vengeance shall be mine!

Gonna party like it's my birthday!

...and you know we don't give a *&#@ it's not your birthday! Party in the club...!

Woohoo! I am officially 27! I am so excited and pleased and smug in my knowledge that unlike many others in this world, I LOVE getting older, and don't feel the least bit "old."

I'll be that girl turning 50, screaming "WOOHOO! 50! YEAH!" out of the open sunroof in the limo my friends and I have rented so that we can go terrorize the streets of Las Vegas.

You know, it's just how we roll. :)

Getting older is going to happen whether you go kicking and screaming, or gently into the good night. So, I figure since there is no point in fighting it, I might as well enjoy the heck out of it! 

Every year, I get to go on new adventures, meet new people, and see new places. 

And in my quest to see the world and make a small mark of my own, I need the age, the wisdom, and curiosity to thirst for it all. 

At 23, I moved to NY alone. 

At 24, I met Boyfriend. 

At 25, I jumped from a perfectly good airplane, on purpose, with one of my favorite people in the world.

At 26, I both moved in with aforementioned Boyfriend, and got the job I'd been looking for, for what seemed like forever!

My coworkers decorated my desk!

CONFETTI.

Who knows what 27 will hold? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, 27! OR I SHALL BEAT THEM OUT OF YOU! 

Well. 

Apparently I may be getting sort of aggressive at my ripe old age of 27. Perhaps I should ask some of my friends, who are already 27 or have been before. After all, I should learn the ways. Am I supposed to be all grown up now or something?

The best part about turning 27 in 2013 is that 7 and 3 are my very favorite numbers EVER and they are right there in both numbers! That's so awesome. This will probably be an incredible, magical, wonderful, or at least fun year. 

3 and 7 are both prime numbers. They add together to make a perfect round first-double-digit number, and they are so attractive. 3 with her crazy curves, 7 with her angles and the little line I put through the center when I write it. 

Call me crazy,

Call me weird.

Call me whatever.

At least I'm getting calls!

Lines I wrote yesterday:

I have, I have, I have sunshine to find. 

I want, I want, I want to jump off of the grind and fall into, into, into that sunshine state of mind.

We can only be so refined. 

We can only be so defined by that one part of us that yearns for freedom and stays stuck behind.

I have, I have, I have been too long blind. 

I need, I need, I need to learn to unwind, and fall into, into, into that sunshine state of mind.

And then look, today, the anniversary of the day I graced the world with my presence, the day is full of sunshine and life and people and cheer. :)

...also, I have noticed that I have a lot more friends on fb than in real life! Even though everyone on fb are people I actually for-realz know in real life. Life is strange, my friends.

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes and thoughts! In the words of George Feeny: I love you all.

:)

Life Lessons I've Learned The Hard Way

I have come upon the age in a young person’s life, when things start subtly shifting. I am almost 27 years old. I have lived upon this rock floating in space for almost one-third of my average allotted life span.

I have never felt more like I am still 17 years old.

Except that when I was 17, I was pretty sure I knew almost everything, ever.

And now, I see 17 year olds and I think, "Oh, you stupid, stupid idiots. Life is going to bitchslap the swag right off your face, similar to me smacking your stupid sideways hat off of your head and into a gutter."

Or some variance of that thought.

When I was a teenager, I knew so much about so many different things. I thought I was worldly and knowledgeable and well-rounded and smart. I knew who I was, who my friends were, and where I was going in this world.

Of those things, almost-27-year-old me know pretty much none of them. I know I'm smart and capable, and I am super confident (sometimes skirting the edge of cocky) in myself. But other than that, one of the most valuable things I've learned in the past decade is that I know nothing, I am a dope, and I have a lot of learning left to do.

Learn! Read! Never stop trying to improve yourself and learn new things. I have learned a lot about being an adult. Although, to be fair to 17-year-old me, I wasn't one yet, so how could I really have known?

Life Lessons I've Learned The Hard Way:

1. Life sucks sometimes. Life, unlike Scrabble, is rarely "fair." I put fair in quotation marks because our ideas of fairness is different from person to person.

UNIVERSAL TRUTH: Life isn't fair.

And sometimes, it really sucks.

But there are some amazing, wonderful, breathtaking parts of life, too. Sometimes you just have to wade through the sucky parts to emerge, practically reborn and full of goo, into the beautiful parts. And they are there. The amazing pieces of life are always just around the corner from the worst parts.

2. Love isn't easy. We want to believe that when you find 'true love,' that everything will suddenly be more in focus, clearer, more shiny.

UNIVERSAL TRUTH: Love is hard sometimes.

Just like anything worth anything in life, relationships take work. It can't be awesome all the time (except that world-renowned honeymoon phase). It's real life, and like we mentioned above, sometimes it sucks.

Maybe your girlfriend owns 752346 hair products and can't seem to understand the apparently foreign concept of putting them in a damn cabinet and not leaving them over every single available surface in the bathroom, to the point that sometimes you knock them over and end up smelling like a girl all day.

Maybe your boyfriend never met a female before you and therefore doesn't understand the concept of putting the toilet seat down or changing an empty toilet paper roll. Maybe he leaves that seat up all the time, even when you get cranky about it, and you've had the unfortunate luck to fall in once, late at night, and have your butt be all wet.

Who knows?

But there it is. Sometimes you argue, sometimes you get mad at each other, sometimes you want to kick them in the shin for being such an idiot.

But when you love someone, and they become your best friend, you work it out, make it stick. Even when you're fighting, you're fighting with someone you care deeply about.

MY PERSONAL LIFE LESSON: I'd rather be fighting with BF than floating along and not fighting with anyone else. And that's how I know I love him.

3. Anyone driving slower than me is a moron, anyone going faster is a maniac. Clearly, I am driving at optimal speed.

UNIVERSAL TRUTH: Everyone is equal parts moron and smart.

We're all idiots sometimes, we are all right sometimes. And often, the debates are the most fun.

4. Everyone has the right to believe whatever they want. This one might seem like a no brainer, and I know most people really do agree, but of course, we have the extremists. While a significant minority, the extremists in any situation are often the loudest.

UNIVERSAL TRUTH: We will never all agree. But that doesn't mean that we are not each right. What is right for me may not be the option for you. This is true in religion, politics, choice of colleges, anything. And no one has the right to tell you what you believe is wrong or bad, or leaves you burning for eternity.

It's like me saying that because I don't think skinny jeans are a good look for me, that no one should wear them, because they are wrong for everyone. (I still stand by my provoking notion that leggings are NOT PANTS and that we should all make a pact to stop wearing them with nothing covering the butt region.)

5. You are not as fat, as ugly, as stupid, as you think you are. You're also not perfect in every single way (for the few who seem to think they are G-d's gift to humanity).

UNIVERSAL TRUTH: We tend to magnify our own shortcomings and flaws.

Trust me. When you think everyone is staring at you on the dance floor, when you just know you look foolish and everyone must think you're a total waste of space for flailing around in the club, you're wrong. Pretty much everyone else is thinking the same thing you are. They are wondering "How do I look? Do I look stupid? Is my bra strap out? Do I look fat in these jeans? What in the heck are my arms doing? OMG DID ANYONE JUST SEE ME DO THAT?"

No. Strangers don't pay you anywhere near the amount of attention you think they do. Everyone tends to worry so much about themselves, that they aren't staring at you, at what you think are your flaws.

Just like you think everyone notices that you forgot to tweeze, or are wearing (GASP!) blue socks with your black dress shoes. No one notices, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't care.

I don't mean that to sound harsh. I simply mean that while you are NOT the center of the universe, we ARE each the center of our own worlds. And we tend to think everyone else sees us that way, too.

They don't.

So, what have you learned? Do you agree with my lessons, or have any you can add? I want to learn what you know, too! Maybe I'm finally at a point in life where I can stop learning things the hard way, and start actually learning from other people's mistakes!! Probably not, but hey, it's worth a shot!

I'll always love Calvin & Hobbes! :)

aaaaaand re-employed!

Once again, I am a productive member of society, employed and contributing.  :)

I am now at the end of week one as a recruiter! I have a new job, a new career, and I am excited and learning all sorts of new stuff. You can check out our website!

And hey, if you happen to be in records management, conflicts, information systems management, legal research, or a research librarian, I might be able to find you a job in the northeast! Email me your resume, if interested!

Embarking on this new venture, I am excited, nervous, a little bit terrified, and learning quickly! I just got back from spending 4 days in Washington DC, training and learning from all the experienced recruiters and business developers there, and am now working with my very own business developer here in NY.

This is a time of change, of growth, and of new possibilities for the future. Again: excited, nervous. 

So far, I am loving it! I am doing more training today and starting Monday, I'll hit the ground running with new candidates and resumes and jobs and everything!

In this time of change, I can almost forget the frustration that went into my over-a-year-long job search. ALMOST. It was annoying, difficult, and often frustrating for me, but in the end I found a job I love. A start to the rest of my career. Maybe if I'd used a national placement firm, I could have found something sooner! I'm still learning about all that this placement firm has to offer, and am excited to share that with everyone I know. 

I do appreciate the love and unending support of my friends and family while I was on the job hunt, and can't wait to give this kind of service to others. 

And for information on TRAK, job postings, news, and resources, connect with me on LinkedIn or follow me on Twitter!

Have a great day!

Temporarily Bum-tastic!

Today is Monday. This is the first Monday that I can pretty much ever remember not having work or school, unless on a previously scheduled vacation day or holiday break.

I started working at age 15. My first job was typically terrible. I mean, come on. 15 year olds are stupid, and reckless, and probably shouldn't be given much responsibility or control. 

I was a cashier at Winn-Dixie in Lakeland, Florida. It wasn't epically terrible, and I don't have some awesome story about how I'd surf the shopping carts or play Supermarket Sweep after close. Nope, typical average first job.

I moved into waitressing after that. I must have been seduced by the thought of working with the customers all day every day and depending on their whims to pay me or not. Also, I was good at it, and serving over the next several years was good. Helped me pay for college, and I made some awesome friends and crazy half-drunken memories with them.

I graduated with a Bachelor's 6 years ago, almost to the day! Jeez, I just realized that. It was 6 years ago yesterday. And this week is also my 3rd anniversary of living in NYC! Life is good.

6 years ago, I finished college and switched from waitressing to a full-time desk job in sales. And through the years, across the states, and traversing different industries, sales is where I have stayed.

As of 4 days ago, however, I am embarking on a brand new career. I have been wanting to become a recruiter for over a year now. I have researched, I have applied, I have interviewed, and I HAVE TRIUMPHED.

Starting one week  from today, I am a recruiter for a recruiting firm here in NY, and with offices around the country. 

But until next Monday...

I AM AN UNEMPLOYED LAZY BUM! 

 This is amazing. Being unemployed for a week has opened my world. The gym is WAY LESS CROWDED when you go during business hours. The line at the shoe store has fewer people in it. There is almost always available seats on the train! My alarm clock hasn't made a peep in days.

Yesterday, I slept in past 11. Today, I was awake, but laid in bed until 10:30. 

It's been amazing. And thank god it is just for a week. I can already feel the boredom creeping in. Luckily, not for long! I leave tomorrow morning for some family and beach time in Florida before starting the new job!

And I am 100% super excited to start out in my new career!

The fact of the matter is that I knew this was going to be a super awesome year. I mean, my 2 favorite numbers in the whole entire universe are 3 and 7.

This year is 2013 and I am about to turn 27.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT. 

Also, Sherlock Holmes has taught me there are no coincidences. Or maybe that was David Baldacci that taught me that? Either way, I've been obsessed with both of late. I think I am becoming quite the deductive reasoning political crime detective. :)

Calvin & Hobbes, 26 Years Later.

Today is the last day of April. June is the 2 year anniversary of me starting a blog! I started out with a dream and hint of whimsy, delving deep into my internal memory of funny, to find random, often strange things to write about.

Today, I had to post this comic: (I believe you can click it to get a bigger view, or use the link below it!)

http://www.geekfill.com/2011/11/14/26-years-later%E2%80%A6/

Calvin and Hobbes was one of my very favorite comics as a kid, next to Zits and Dilbert. Looking at this comic, it somehow transports me back to being 7 years old, with a thick anthology of this comic strip, reading about the adventures of a towheaded boy and his stuffed tiger, his shenanigans, all his mischief. 

And I like to think that I was much like that little boy. Fearless, adventurous, a bit sneaky, funny, lovable, with a best friend to get into trouble with. 

I'd like to think I am still like that little boy, only a more grown up version, who is also responsible enough to pay her bills and not just jump in mud puddles and hide in my transmogrifier.

Nostalgia is a funny thing. 

Time heals most wounds and also blurs the edges of particularly painful or difficult memories. A perfect example of this is when you break up with a significant other. At first, you can still be mad or sad, and remember every word of every fight, and think again and again of what you SHOULD HAVE said, and how things could have been different. But, after a few months, maybe you still miss that person. And things are remembered a little differently. You start to think of all the good times, and the laughter, and stop remembering the pain, as the good parts start to outweigh the bad in your memories.

It's why I have always tried to live by the rule of no re-dating. You broke up for good reasons, so unless one or both of you have changed significantly, those reasons likely still exist. It's not an ironclad rule, as like I said, sometimes people or situations do change, but it's a good thing to keep in mind.

Nostalgia is taking out the old and dusting it off to look almost like new again, but not quite, and remembering how great things used to be. 

After all, doesn't everyone seem to think fondly of "the good old days," when kids weren't as stupid and minded their manners, when parents weren't as lame, and when gas still cost under a dollar?

Nothing wrong with nostalgia, that's for sure. Hey, better to remember fondly and smile one of those somewhat sad, mostly happy smiles with the far-away gaze we get when we're remembering something beautiful, than to only look back with anger and sadness. You certainly can't live a full life carrying that around forever, as it will eventually and surely break you down to nothing. 

So, today, look back on those days of hanging out with Teddy (or Hobbes!), who was the very best listener, the greatest adventure-sharer, and the one who helped you fall asleep. Remember Teddy! And someday, maybe we'll all have those rascally kids who have a Hobbes of their own to love and imagine and go on adventures with. And when that happens, we once again get to pull out those old memories, dust them off, and play with them again for awhile.