How Much Is Too Much For A Wedding?

I am not necessarily talking about money (budget for event) here. I know some people are willing and able to spend a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding, and hey, if you can afford that easily and want to spend it, you do you. I am not willing to spend that much, and we do have a budget and are trying to stay within that, but still want to put on a nice event, of course!

I mean, how much is too much to expect from others? I have been invited to many weddings, and have attended many weddings. As for out of town ones that require flights and hotels, I am generally down to do that for very close friends and family, and not willing to spend that kind of money for people I don’t know as well or am not as close to.

But now that I am on the other side of this dilemma, it has become even more important to figure out how much is TOO much?

I live in NYC, but we’re getting married in Florida, and no matter where we have it, significant amounts of family members on both sides have to travel to be there. Is it unfair to expect travel and hotel stays? If so, how would people from 2 different places ever have their family together for a wedding?

We have figured out a way to partially mitigate the cost for travelers. Originally, the venue we really liked was out of the main part of town, in a suburb, and the closest hotel was 12 miles away. It was also about 40 minutes from the airport. In order for people to come, in addition to the flight and hotel, they really would have been required to rent a car. We were planning to pay for some sort of shuttle service from the hotel to the venue, but for the rest of the time, if you didn't rent a car, you’d basically be a prisoner at the hotel.

To mitigate this cost for travelers, we've decided to look at a different venue, a hotel IN the city, closer to the airport and to local stuff in town. The hotel would be the wedding venue and the guests could stay there, and the hotel offers free shuttle service from the airport to the hotel, as well as to a few parts of the city near the hotel. This immediately negates the need for guests to rent a car if they will only be there for the actual wedding weekend! We are willing to absorb slightly higher wedding costs for this venue, in order to make it easier for people to come.

Do other people planning a wedding consider this? Is this normal to include in our thought process, or do people just plan whatever they want and assume people can afford it? I know that guests tend to get fairly advanced notice for weddings, so there is time to plan and save. But I have declined to attend weddings before that were just too much hassle. A car rental in addition to a hotel and a flight is a lot of hassle! Especially if I don’t know anyone else in that city, or if the wedding is out in the middle of nowhere.

It’s tough to know where to draw the line. We want to be married with our family and friends in attendance, and to have that once in a lifetime wedding celebration. No matter where we have it, it will require travel by a lot of family, and the location we chose is significantly less expensive than the location where we live! We want to be able to have the people we love to celebrate with us, and not make it a huge pain for them to be there.

In addition, since many of my family doesn't live in NYC, we have not planned any big engagement party, and I wasn't planning to have a big shower, or have a travel-bachelorette-party. I don’t want to ask people to travel multiple times. I just want to have a big, fun, family wedding! Does this go against tradition? Somewhat. But I don’t care. I’d rather people be able to come to the main event over any extraneous thing they feel obligated to attend. My sister said that’s silly and if people want to throw me a shower, I should let them. But what if some of the attendees end up spending more than they anticipated to come to the shower and can no longer come to the wedding? This is a real concern for me. I can afford some trips, but not every trip every year. I do okay, but I don’t always have a lot extra at the end of the month. I just want people to be there to celebrate this big day in our lives. Gifts are not necessary, let your presence be your gift to us!

So, how much is too much for weddings? Is it too much when the bride wants to do Vegas for a weekend for a bachelorette? For me, it is. I don’t want to ask my bridesmaids (and bridesmen!) to spend that kind of money, when they are already obligated to the dress/tux/being at the wedding expenses. If I were asked to do that for a friend’s wedding, I’d love the Vegas trip, but may need to choose between the trip and the wedding, in terms of my budget.

Is it too much to expect people to travel the one time, for the actual celebration? I hope not! There will be open bar to compensate, I swear!!

What were your experiences with this? Did you feel obligated to do all the extraneous activities, or did you want them, or did you choose not to do those at all? How did you feel about mitigating costs for out-of-towners (if applicable)? I’d love any advice!

Cats are Drunk Toddler Terrorists, and I Love It

Fiance and I got a kitten! He is only 3 months old now, and we've spent the last 3 weeks getting used to life with our new family member. He is so cute and fluffy that it’s hard to get mad at him, and we have been adapting our lives to him and his needs.

I've seen a lot of dog and cat shaming on the internet, as well as hilarious blogs and posts about toddlers and their antics. Reasons My Son Is Crying is a funny blog with pictures showing crying toddlers and the funny reasons why they are crying, such as a picture of a little girl crying with the caption “I wouldn't let her play with a bag of dog poop.” (Here is a collection of some of the funniest from this blog)

At this point, I think everyone will agree that toddlers are basically tiny drunk (adorable, hilarious) terrorists. And animals can be, too. Our kitty, Dexter, is always underfoot and has already cuddled his way into our hearts, but let’s be honest: Cats can be assholes, too. Now, this is not about him being douchey, just about his toddler-like reasons for crying. Mostly for no reason at all!

So, I decided to create a meme about my silly kitten and what he cries about. Here is my contribution: Why Is My Cat Crying? Enjoy!! (This meme was made using memegenerator.net, and uploading my own picture of Dexter and then assigning text)

Let me know what you think! Does your cat cry for ridiculous or funny reasons? Feel free to share a picture of your little furball-love-terrorist and let me know why he's freaking out today!


Photo credit to Fiance. Memes created using memegenerator.net.

Wedding Planning For A Non-Wedding Planning Person

Fiance and I are currently starting to plan our very own wedding! I love weddings. I love booze, food, dancing, my family, and big parties. I am alllllllll about other people's weddings. I was a bridesmaid in my big brother's wedding, and more recently was incredibly honored to serve as Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding. 

But that doesn't mean that I love planning my own wedding! Everyone always talks about how stressful and crazy that time is. How many arguments have stemmed from ridiculous things like centerpieces or the order of the processional??

So far, Fiance and I have managed to not have much stress in this planning time. To be fair, it's pretty new and we haven't had to do TOO much, but we have accomplished some great things! We have a guest list, therefore we have the size of the event. We have picked out colors, the bridal party, and have narrowed down venues to 3 that we like. We have a budget in mind, and I've even scheduled dress shopping!

The budget is a tough one for me. I never planned on having a big wedding, despite my love of other people's big weddings. I never truly comprehended spending the equivalent of a down payment on a house for just one day. I have slowly accepted that the big wedding, the family event, is what we're doing. And I'm even excited about it! The money still sends a pang through my heart and my bank account. It doesn't matter to me that we can afford it. It matters to me the sheer amount! 

But Fiance is amazing at reassuring me that we are worth it. We love our family and friends, and we want to have the people we love with us for this momentous celebration. 

So, here I am, planning a big wedding. I have read blogs and articles, I have a checklist, and we are trucking through making the bigger decisions. I am a very organized and list-oriented person (thanks, Mom!!), so I am pretty ok with knowing the general timelines and what we need to do and stuff like that. I never even planned to have a big wedding! I always thought I would have a smaller affair, less party, more celebrating gathering. :)

While I don't think Fiance or I are particularly traditional people, we are also not super nontraditional, so we're having a pretty traditional wedding. I don't plan on having a train at all (I don't like trains or bustles), I am iffy on a veil at all (and definitely not a long one), and I plan on wearing flats (comfort, people! I like to dance!). I have also learned that I have no desire to wear a sparkly bling-filled wedding dress, and despite living in NYC, I will not be shopping at Kleinfelds. Why go somewhere I can't afford?!

In the end, I know it will be a beautiful day, filled with the people we love. And that is most important. Not the centerpieces, not what color the chair sashes are, and not what shoes Fiance is wearing. And this is why I think we've managed to not fight or stress too much so far. The day is important, yes. But the marriage that follows is a million times more important. 

Also, I cannot stress enough how much I HATE when people say "You're the bride! It's YOUR day!"

That is crap. If it were just my day, then I wouldn't need the groom to be there. People, it is OUR day. Fiance may not care about the little details of planning, but he is fully aware of them, and voices his opinion on stuff. It would never be happening if it weren't for both of us. OUR DAY. Just because I'm going to look superfly in my fancypants long dress, doesn't mean in any way that the attention should only be on me. Besides, you haven't SEEN Fiance all dressed up. Dude looks awesome in a suit.

Jumping On The Vaccine Argument Train

I quite honestly don't truly understand the anti-vaccine "movement." I put movement in quotes because for one, it's the dumbest thing I can think of right now, and secondly, it's a very loud minority, not a large group speeding through the right side of history, standing for equal rights or anything.

It's a decent size group of idiots who refuse to believe any and all of the scientific data proving that vaccines have no link to autism, and continuously citing a now-debunked study done by a "scientist" who lost his license for fabricating the data in that specific study, making that link.

The hardest part is that when you talk to anti-vaxxers (what a stupid name), no amount of education, cited sources, or relevant information you show them, they will steadfastly refuse to change their minds or in any way open up to the idea that they may be wrong.

I'd put money on the fact that most of these anti-vaxxers are they themselves vaccinated, so I'm not sure why or how they came to the conclusion that it's better not to.

This is not going to be a long rant.

Vaccinate your children.

There are so many parents out there who say to women and couples that don't want or plan on having kids that they are selfish for not "contributing to the future generation." You know what's selfish? Exposing your kids and countless others that they come in contact with to infectious and serious diseases that had basically been eradicated, because you think you know better than the entire scientific community, based on some random article you "read online somewhere."

Vaccinate your damn children so that someday, when and if I decide to bring kids into this eff-ed up world, they can safely go about their lives NOT being exposed to measles, mumps, polio, and any other random disease you feel like your kid should be allowed to get.


VACCINATE YOUR KIDS, PEOPLE! Science is being continually expanded upon, our knowledge changing and growing over time. Even religious scientists agree that you should vaccinate. Don't be an idiot and stop risking your kids' health instead of listening to your doctor.

Nice to Meet You, I'm Engaged.

This weekend, Boyfriend became Fiancee! I am excited and happy and nervous about planning a wedding, but the overlying feeling is an extreme sense of rightness. This was not a snap or impulsive decision after dating someone briefly. This is a considered, conscious choice to continue spending my life with the person I love. 

We have been dating 4 years, living together over two and a half years, and can talk about anything. This person knows all of my flaws, quirks, obsessions, and issues, and still wants to be with me for the foreseeable future. I know all of his stuff, too. And you know what? Every single day, I get to wake up to his cranky morning face and give him a kiss.

I didn't dream about weddings as a kid. I wasn't planning Barbie weddings or Cabbage Patch engagement parties or dreaming about princess dresses and tuxedos. I loved treeclimbing, fort-building, baseball in the cul-de-sac, rollerblading (I should not have been allowed to rollerblade. That was poor decision-making skills, parents. How many times did I get hurt because I couldn't stop properly??), swimming, and pestering my older brother to take me with him wherever he went, or to make me macaroni and cheese for every meal. I liked reading with my mom, playing my GameBoy on road trips, and I had big dreams about becoming a famous lawyer-slash-singer. 

I was not obsessed with weddings back then, and I'm not obsessed with weddings now, either. Planning our wedding will probably be somewhat stressful, and I'm sure we won't agree on every little thing, but we'll make it through. And I can only hope that the stress of planning a wedding brings us closer together, reveling in the ridiculous that is traditional weddings. 

But in the end, it's not the wedding that matters, but the marriage that follows. I already know I want to spend my life with him. Now it's just making it official and me getting a fancypants new name. 

Seriously though. Immediately after he asked and I said yes, we hugged and kissed and it was amazing and just the two of us and exactly what we wanted....I kind of squealed and half-yelled "I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL EVERYONE!" 

My mom could not be more excited about this, nor could his parents or our siblings and friends. Thank you, to everyone we love, for being so wonderful and supportive, and happy for us. Your support is so awesome and I can't wait to dance the night away with you in celebration in a year or so. :)

So we went ring shopping this weekend, which was very cool. I get to pick out my ring! It was harder than I thought it would be. I thought I would see something and know immediately that that was my ring, but it wasn't like that at all. I knew going in that I wanted a large sapphire instead of a big diamond, and all of the traditional engagement settings just weren't what I wanted. Some of them seemed devoid of personality when it was just diamonds on top of diamonds surrounded by diamonds on a diamond band. So I finally found an embellished split band with a large center sapphire that I fell in love with. It is interesting and different, and I can't wait to be wearing it every day. An outward symbol of our choice to stick out life together!

2015 is really starting off strong! Engaged, and in 2 weeks is our actual 4th anniversary, and 2 weeks later, we're adopting a kitty, and having a new furry little friend to love. Damn, this is a great year already! 

Happy New Year!

Hello, 2015, nice to meet you! I am having trouble remembering to write 2015 on checks and dates and stuff, but otherwise, you seem pretty rad so far! And Boyfriend and I are adopting a kitten next month!!

Happy new year to one and all! I love holidays and beginnings, though not so much ends of things. I love opening a whole new year, to discover what’s waiting for me on the other side. I enjoy looking back at the past year and being appreciative of what I’ve had or done or experienced.

Now, I’m not going to drag you through a rundown of 2014, I promise! I’ll just hit the highlights really quickly.

In 2014, Boyfriend and I went to New Zealand for 2 weeks with my brother and sister-in-law, to visit my dad. We spent an amazing 2 weeks just driving around the north island and stopping wherever we wanted, and staying in these cool little campgrounds, and taking pictures. Also, I saw Hobbit holes, which was really, really rad.

In 2014, I saw my nephew turn 4, one niece turn 7, and the other niece turn 1. I saw my best friend (who lives in Florida) an unprecedented 6 times this year! With us living so far apart, that is actually a banner year for us!

In 2014, I got to spend a fourth year with Boyfriend, and we decided not to move out of our current apartment, a decision we regretted almost immediately! We love the apartment itself, but the building is so old and the floors and ceilings are so thin, it is super annoying!! We shall move this summer.

And now, instead of the long, involved, probably boring-for-you recap of what a great year I had, and the adventures I went on, and the things I hope for this year, please enjoy these pictures that I’ve collected that make me laugh.

FAT GIRAFFE!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!

Passions & Hobbies

Things that I am passionate about:

-Writing songs and singing anything.

-Writing in general (including blogging, poems, and in my journal).

-Spreading the message about Confidence and how it affects every part of your life.

-Reading. Reading ALL THE BOOKS.

-My Kindle (If you’re reading this, Kindle, I love you more than cheese, I swear).

-Cheese.

-Cooking & baking (but only when I am in the mood to cook or bake).

-Fluffy fat baby animals (also, fat babies in general).

-Science. Reading and learning about science and new discoveries.

-My family and friends.

And there is certainly more! But I find myself in the position of wanting a hobby. I tried book clubs for awhile, and while I really enjoyed the gatherings, inevitably something would come up and I’d be unable to attend two or three times in a row, and then I felt all weird and self-conscious going back after a long absence, and I ended up just abandoning the book club all together. I learned how to knit, proceeded to knit my mother a six-foot-long scarf, and then couldn't for the life of me figure out how to knit anything else, and eventually kind of gave up.

Reading IS something I personally consider a hobby, though. I read a lot, and I thoroughly enjoy the time spent with books. I read approximately one book every day. I read on the train, when I’m walking to and from the train, when I’m jogging on the elliptical machine at the gym, and randomly throughout the days. I never understand people who think reading is silly or stupid. How can escaping into a story of another person or another world or a big adventure, or learning interesting new subjects, or about the lives of famous people or historical figure possibly be boring?! I love reading, and will always continue to read, but this is about finding a new hobby and integrating it into my life.

Oh, Kindle, you mechanical ball of love, joy, and books. I love you so very much. I shall never leave you! We will be together FOREVER. Kindle + Jyssica = TRUE LOVE.

I’m a terrible artist! I want to be able to draw or paint the things in my head, but I just can’t seem to get what’s in my head on the paper! I can mimic other things, though. I’ve freehand drawn a number of comics, like Dilbert, Far Side, and Calvin & Hobbes, just looking at the original and recreating them. But while I suppose I could always embark on a fun and thrilling career of cartoon forgery, I am really not the fugitive type, so I think I’ll refrain. Maybe I could take an art class?

I love to cook and bake and experiment with new foods and recipes and just wing it with no recipes and a dream, and try it out for dinner. Boyfriend and I cook together at home, and I find it fun and interesting. He likes to be in charge of cooking the meat, and he’s all BAM like Emerill on the spices. It’s really nice! I’d LOVE to take a cooking class, actually. But all I’ve found here are little 2 or 3 hour classes on a specific thing, like pasta making (rad!), when what I want is a one night a week class for a month or two!

How I feel when I cook: Fancy as hell.

I love my singing and songwriting, and I’m really not bad at either. I sang competitively in middle and high school and even won some awards. I also won a couple for poetry contests. But neither of these things are really something I could make a living with, or are what I consider a “hobby” in terms of taking time every week and really focusing and learning more and being engaged with it. I sing all the time, and I write when inspiration strikes.

I’m crafty and I love to make things and DIY stuff, but can this actually be a hobby? I’m not scouring pinterest for ideas or spending my weekends making random crafts as gifts or party favors. What would I do with random things that I crafted if it wasn’t something I needed? Example: Made a framed chalkboard for my apartment, but I don’t need to craft an endless supply of them. I made a cool shadowbox for Boyfriend’s and my collection of foreign money, but I only need the one. Unless I was able to give them away as gifts, what could I do with a crafty ability?

I’m at this age of upper 20's, in a stable relationship, with some but not TOO much time on my hands. So, I want a hobby. Boyfriend has video games and building these really cool e-cigarette contraptions of wonder and mechanics, some of my friends have kids, which is certainly more time-consuming than a hobby, and I just want something I can be interested in and learn about and work on, but not a full-time-job's worth of time needed to invest.

Any suggestions, world?

I leave you with this picture of the greatest food in the world.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. *sniff!*