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Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Story of My Life

Me: *reading*
Stranger: Whatcha reading? MUST BE GOOD, HURRHURR
Me: It is, thanks! It's a scifi book by this new author I found on Kindle Unlimited, in which the arbitrary caste system we assign to people is examined by color classifications.....
Stranger: *regrets life*


OR








Me: *reading*
Stranger: Whatcha reading? MUST BE GOOD, HURRHURR
Me: Yep.
Stranger: Well! I was just asking!




I JUST LOVE TO READ, MAN!

Monday, April 18, 2016

How To Adult: Personal Finance Edition

Last time we talked, I gave step by step instructions on taxes and what the different forms are and what you need to do them yourself. I hope it helped some people!

You know what else isn’t taught in schools to our country’s future leaders? How to be fiscally responsible, build credit, or how a retirement account works.

First, let’s discuss saving money and retirement accounts. These are important.
Savings is the easiest thing to explain, so I’ll start with that. At any given time, you should have 3-6 months worth of bills and living expenses saved in your savings account. If you spend $2000 per month, your savings account should have $6000 to $12000 in it. This is to ensure that you are taken care of in the event of a medical emergency, a job loss, or any sort of general emergency (for example: your car breaks down and you need it for work).

There are a lot of different ways to approach saving. $12000 is a lot of money, but you have to start somewhere! And every journey starts with a single step.
  • One option is to take a specific percentage of their paycheck and put it into savings, say 10%. This is a very good way to save money every month.
  • Another way is to pay all your bills and expenses out of your checking account and the night before you get paid your next paycheck, put all of the leftovers from your last check in savings. Some weeks it may be $50, others it could be $250. This is a less reliable way to save specific amounts, but can be effective.
  • Another way is to automatically deposit a specific amount, say $100 per paycheck, into your savings. You can set your bank account online to automatically make this transfer for you, recurring weekly, every 2 weeks, or monthly. This is also a reliable way to save.
All of these are effective ways to save money, and you should be doing one or more of them.

Retirement Accounts
There are 2 main types of retirement accounts. One is a 401(k), which is through your employer and you can have multiple of them, through each of your past and current employers, or you can roll old 401(k) accounts into your current one. The other is a Roth IRA, a long-term investment account using after-tax dollars, invested in stocks, bonds, and more.

Main differences:
401(k) uses pre-tax dollars, and you pay income tax when you take the money out at retirement. A Roth IRA is different than a 401(k). A Roth IRA uses after-tax dollars to give you an even better deal. With a Roth, you put in already taxed income into stocks, bonds, index funds, etc, and you don’t pay when you withdraw it.

Here are the ways to put money into these 2 accounts: You automatically transfer $100 per month into an IRA you opened yourself through Charles Schwab (or Wells Fargo, or many many other options). You yourself are putting your after-tax dollars into the IRA. For 401(k), the money is taken out of your paycheck before you are paid and deposited into the account. You are not physically depositing or transferring the money yourself.

These two accounts work well together, and you should definitely have both. You should start a 401(k) the moment you have a job, and a Roth IRA as soon as possible. These accounts will grow over your lifetime and will be what you use in your retirement as income.

Many employers will match a certain amount of money in your 401(k). For example, my last employer would match half up to 6%. Which means if I put 6% of my pay into my 401(k), at the end of the fiscal year, my employer would put in an additional 3%, half of what I contributed. This is money not out of my pocket, and serves as an incentive to put money in the 401(k) and save for retirement. Check with your employer to find out if they do matching and what their parameters are, and then take advantage of that.

Roth IRAs are great because you can contribute however much you want to them, and you can invest in mutual funds, stocks, bonds, and more. You’re not restricted to what you originally invest in, you are able to buy and sell within the account as much as you want.

The important thing to remember is this: They are both great accounts to save for retirement, you should do it as early as humanly possible in your life, and the biggest differences are that 401(k) is pre-tax dollars that you will be taxed on when you remove the money, and Roth IRAs are after-tax dollars that you do not pay income tax on when you remove the money at retirement age.

There are other types of retirement accounts, and also traditional investment accounts, but these are the 2 most common and work well in conjunction with one another. Feel free to do more research! Learning about finance stuff can be very fun!

Building Credit
You need good credit for a lot of things in life. These include: buying a car, renting or buying a home, getting a loan, and more.

Basically, you will need good credit for almost any major purchase in life.

Sometimes you don’t have any credit simply because you have been extremely fiscally responsible and have paid for everything you have outright in cash. Sometimes you just haven’t made any major purchase that requires credit. Either way, having a solid credit score is going to be important in life.

The easiest way to start building a good credit score is to get a credit card. Even if you don’t think you need one, get a credit card. Then to actually build the credit, you need to USE the card, not go over the limit, and pay the bill on time every month, with at least the minimum payment.

However, the BEST way to use a credit card is to make your regular purchases, like gas, groceries, dinner out, drinks at the bar, things that you already spend the money on, and then pay off the credit card every month. By paying on time every month, you are establishing a solid credit history of on time payments. By paying it off, you are not wasting money on the interest your credit card will charge you if it holds a balance.

As you continue to use your credit card responsibly, the bank will often raise your limit, lower your interest rate, and sometimes offer you perks. Because this is money you would usually spend in cash, you’ll be able to pay it off monthly. But instead of the 0.003% interest you earn from the money sitting in your bank account, you can also get perks, points, and rewards from using a good credit card.

Many cards offer cashback, discounts on certain items or categories (like groceries or movie theaters), and air miles towards flights around the world. These are awesome perks that you can build up while using your credit card for things you already have the money for.

Credit cards are also of use in an emergency situation, like car repairs, dental work, doctor visits, and more.

Other ways to build or grow your credit are very similar. Basically, have bills in your name. Make sure your car and insurance are in your name, and make sure you are paying these bills on time. Anything that is in your name is helping you build credit. Things like having your apartment lease in your name, the utilities bill, gas bill, etc.

If you’re a parent, you can help to build your child’s credit early. My parents had my car insurance in my name when I was 16, even though they were paying the insurance (I had given up my allowance and gotten a job at 15, and my allowance money I would have gotten covered the car insurance cost). By making timely payments, my credit was already starting to be built when I graduated high school and moved away for college. This was a very helpful jump-start!

Even if you have good credit, you will likely still need a cosigner on student loans, apartment leases, and car financing until you are around 21 years old. Having bad or no credit will absolutely impact your life. You will have higher interest rates on credit cards and loans, if you can even get one, and you may be barred from loans or even getting an apartment lease based on your credit score!

Once you have started to build your credit, you should also make sure to manage it. Once a year, run your credit report and make sure that everything is correct. If you ever notice something on there that is incorrect or fraud, you need to report it immediately so that your credit is always correct.

Conclusion
Saving money, having retirement accounts, and building your credit are extremely important, and is what will allow you to be a self-sufficient, independent adult and later, a self-sufficient retiree. You may not have heard much about these in school, but you are in charge of your money and your destiny here. Educate yourself on fiscal responsibility. Even if you think you have plenty of time, start a retirement account ASAP, and build your credit so that you can have nice things in your life. This stuff is so important for your future, and it’s hard to realize it’s importance at 19 or 21 or 25.

Read more, learn more, get interested! Financial stuff can be exciting. The first time I put money into the stock market, I was nervous and very excited, and learned a lot about how the stock market works.

Get interested! This is your future, and you need to be in control of it!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Bridezillas

Alternatively titled "Why Is Your Partner Even Marrying You?"

I’ve noticed that some people treat weddings as if they are the biggest, bestest day of their whole lives, and that they should get everything they want, no matter the cost and no matter how other people may feel. This is called the Bridezilla Syndrome.

Bridezillas are entitled to everything they want because “it’s my daaaaaaaay! I’m the briiiiiiiide!” And oh god, if you have ever seen the TV show “Bridezillas,” then you understand the type of person I’m talking about!

This attitude really bothers me. First and foremost, it is not “my day,” it is and always was “our day.” Without the groom/spouse, there would be no wedding, and it’s really weird how some people conveniently forget that.

For some reason, women are given a lot of leeway on their behavior when being a bride. Is it because women supposedly dream of their wedding all their lives (I didn’t)? Is it because the groom/spouse isn’t allowed to have an opinion? Have no men ever thought of how they might like their weddings? Why would you want to marry someone whose thoughts and opinions you have no respect for?

I saw a woman tell a vendor “Don’t ask him, he will just go with whatever I choose, he doesn’t care/know anything.” Is that the kind of person you want to marry? One who “doesn’t care” or whose opinions you don’t trust?

Why is it all about the bride, anyway? I was recently a bride, but my groom was the most important person to me there that day. His opinions DO matter, what he wants DOES matter, even if he sometimes didn’t care about the details. And when he didn’t really care about the details, like flower choices, he trusted my opinion, and I still discussed the contracts with him before we signed. My husband was involved in wedding planning because - surprise! - it was his day, too, and we wanted to have a nice event surrounded by friends and family.

I didn’t terrorize my poor bridespeople, they are my closest friends and family, why on earth would I make unreasonable demands on their time, money, or anything else? I love these people, I wasn’t trying to alienate them or make them do things they didn’t have time/energy/money for. These are human individuals with full lives separate from me and my wedding.

I just don’t understand the Bridezilla mindset. What will be accomplished with that attitude? And even if you DO get everything you want and it’s just what you planned, how does abusing your spouse and closest friends during the process look afterwards? I am part of a wedding planning/advice forum on Reddit, and there have been so many people who ask things like “My best friend treated me and all of her friends and family like shit for 6 months leading up to her wedding and now that it’s over, she’s calling me whining about why some people aren’t talking to her and wants everyone to tell her how great her wedding was. What do I do?” And many times, the people asking these questions don’t want to be friends with the people who treated them that way anymore.

And I completely understand!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, the wedding is one day. A beautiful, important day for you and your spouse, but just one day of your life. It’s the marriage that follows that should be your focus. Don’t go into debt for one day, don’t alienate your friends over one day, don’t stress yourself into an ulcer over ONE DAY.

I understand that for many, wedding planning is very stressful and there are pressures put on you from family members, cultural pressure or obligations, and more. But just as it is unacceptable to take a bad mood out on the people you love, so is it unacceptable to take being stressed out on the people you love. It’s how you handle the stress that shows what kind of person you are. Asking for help is fine, demanding someone to make your centerpieces or clean for you is not okay. And I truly don’t understand how some people don’t see this.

People come to a wedding or are in your wedding to support and celebrate with you. They don’t “owe” you anything, and they certainly don’t owe you all of their time and effort in the months leading up to the day.

I just wish more people could remember, it’s only one day out of the rest of your life. Put it into perspective. Strive for a fun celebration, but it’s the marriage and your other relationships that should be priority, especially after the wedding. And a lot of people don’t want to stay friends with someone who treated them poorly, no matter the reason.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Worst. Diet. Ever.

2 weeks ago, I had to have some dental work done 2 days in a row. Left with a sore jaw and a pocket full of whining, I was on a liquid diet for a couple of days. Soups, smoothies and soft oatmeal were my meal plan, and then it was back to life as normal.

Approximately 4 days after the dental work, I had full blown bronchitis and a cold on top of it that showed up 2 days later. Aside from the hideous cough and chest soreness, I also had a raging head cold that alternately stopped up my nose of turned it into a lovely snot-faucet water feature on my face.

Back to soups! I don’t eat that much soup in my regular life, and now I was on an all-soup all-the-time diet. Interspersed with the occasional tea, which I hate. I was on steroid pills, my inhaler, and a z-pack, and was still sick as a dog for a full week!

My husband was sweet and let me complain about feeling terrible and having to eat so much soup, but then he was felled by the same horrid head cold and we are now on Day 5 of his sickness.

Trust me, you probably don’t want to come to our house right now!

Basically, we’ve been a soup-heavy home for almost 2 weeks. And I have lost about 6 pounds due to the lack of appetite, soup diet, and probably burning tons of calories complaining about it all.

It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve been to the gym, and I’ve felt weak and sick and useless. I HAVE GOT to go back to the gym!

I’m basically all better. I have a lingering cough and a slight drippy nose, but I’m pretty much back to normal, and I have got to get out of the house and back to the gym.

The biggest negative is that I am now out of my gym habit, and it’s going to be a bit of a chore to get back into the swing of things.

On the one hand, yay me for losing a few pounds. On the other hand, boo me for losing needed nutrients and probably some muscle mass.

Don’t try this new diet! People are dropping like flies around me. Everyone is sick. There are at least 4 or 5 people out of the office today sick, and last week it was even more than that. One guy had the flu so badly that he had to go to the ER and had a fever for 4 days. Dude started out skinny and has noticeably lost weight.

This fluctuating weather is murdering my immune system. Please be aware! Get a flu shot if you haven’t. Wash your hands more often.

Don’t boop sick people on the nose. Try not to breathe near people. Attempt to squirt hand sanitizer on people as they walk by your cubicle. Build an impenetrable cubicle fort that seals out germs. 

Instead of shaking hands, encourage people to do the head nod of acknowledgement that we do to strangers on the street we accidentally make eye contact with. Attempt to get rid of all of your friends. Build a blanket fort and don't let your husband and his gross germs in. Wash your cat vigorously after he cuddles near your husband's head. 

In a professional setting, disregard closed-door meetings and try just emailing important information from a safe distance of at least 25 feet. If they insist on talking out loud, go outside, go around the corner, and call them from your cell phone. 

Carry a spray bottle with you at all times and spritz germ-carriers if they get within a few feet of you. They won't like it, but they will learn. 

And for god’s sake, if you are sick, don’t sit next to me on the train, don’t try to touch me, and back the hell away from personal bubble. I’ve had plenty of soup and have ZERO DESIRE for more hot soup any time in the next year.

Monday, March 14, 2016

What I Thought Marriage Was Like at 13

When I was in middle school, I imagined what it would be like to have a boyfriend. In my head, having a relationship was flowers and romance and kissing in the rain, and funny mishaps that always get worked out, and holding hands and always going somewhere fancy.

Marriage was foot rubs and backrubs and cooking fancy food together, still holding hands, lots of babies, and waking up every day and looking over at the one you love, and having warm fuzzy feelings, and being all adult-y. Traveling the world, flying first class, and maybe a nanny?

Never once did I think of adulthood as a constant “I wonder how much is in my checking account? I should check that. Umm...I’ll check that later. Oh shit, did I pay the gas bill?”



Marriage is sweatpants and perfect boring weekends, talking about work, arguing over what to get for dinner, becoming part of a whole second family that does things totally differently from your first family, and you already had them all figured out and now there’s a whole new family and traditions to learn and do and schedule.

Loving someone doesn’t mean they don’t annoy you. I can love the crap out of Husband and still want to flick him in the nose when he falls asleep instantly and I cannot seem to fall asleep to save my life, or when he gloats obnoxiously when he wins board and card games.

Marriage is arguing over whose turn it is to feed the cat, getting into (respectful, not mean) political debates, laughing at each other’s farts, and singing in the car to your favorite band.

I had some sort of rom-com, sitcom type of view of adulthood and marriage.

Now I live an actual life of a married adult, and it’s exactly what it should be: chaotic at times, silly, easy, complicated, fun, sometimes boring, playful, joking, scary, and calming.

Basically it’s life, but with someone who knows you really really well and still wants to stick around and hang out every day with no specific plans in place. It’s like a best friend you can kiss whenever you want, forever.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

How To Adult: Taxes Edition

I went through the public school system in the US, and then attended a well-ranked public state university, the University of Florida. While I learned a lot and grew as a person while getting my education, I realize that there are a lot of things that we are not taught about being an adult, that you just have to figure out as you go along.

I’d like to write a series of posts about things that we all needed to know when being an adult in the real world.  


To start with, I’m going to address taxes. What is a W4? What is a W2? What is a 1099 and a 1040? What are those withholding things I have to put numbers for on my tax forms at a new job? How do I do taxes?

These are things we are not taught in school. Sometimes, our parents can help, sometimes the new boss at work can help, but these are things that I think we should each know. You should know what affects you and how to understand your taxes!

According to the IRS, the purpose of Tax Form W-4 is simple ― it is used by your employer to withhold the proper amount of federal income tax from your paycheck. The IRS recommends that employees submit a new W-4 tax form each year, or any time their personal or financial situation changes (such as marriage, divorce, or birth of children). Of course, this is required upon being hired at each new position. [Note: In some places, like NYC, it also makes sure that your CITY taxes are being properly withheld from your paycheck.]


On your W4 form, you will need to claim a number of withholding allowances. You can claim zero or any number you want, really. But there can be consequences! Employee-claimed exemptions are used to determine how much of an employee’s pay to subtract from his or her paycheck to send to the tax authorities. The more allowances you claim, the less income tax will be withheld from your paycheck. The fewer allowances you claim, the more income tax will be withheld from each paycheck.

The IRS provides a rough formula for how many allowances taxpayers should claim to have the correct amount withheld from each paycheck: You can claim one allowance for yourself, one for your spouse, and one for each of your dependents. But beware, if you claim too many allowances, you will owe money when you file your taxes, and if you claim to few, you will simply receive it as a refund when you file.

The W2 form is not something you fill out. It is usually referred to as a W2, but is also officially known as a "Wage and Tax Statement." It is the form you receive every January from your employer(s) in the entire previous year, showing your full earnings, withholdings, taxes, and bonus/commissions from the year. All employers are required to mail out or make available your W2 by January 31st every year.
Form W2 is always filled out by the employer, not by you. However, Form W-2 is not used for contract workers. For independent contractors, Form 1099-MISC is used to report your earnings.

Form 1040, also known as a "U.S. Individual Income Tax Return," is what you file for personal (individual) federal income tax returns filed with the IRS by US residents for tax purposes. Your taxes are due into the IRS by April 15th every year. You are required to file both state and federal tax returns, and this is done at the same time.

What do you need to file your taxes?
If you are a single person (or married but filing separately) with no dependents, then you have the easiest taxes!! My stepdad did mine through college, when they were still claiming me as a dependent. So when I graduated, I suddenly had to do my own! I went to H&R Block for a couple of years, before deciding that I needed to do this myself. It saves me money, and it's nice to be in control of it.

I use TurboTax.com. I have been using them for at least the last 4 years, and I find it to be an easy-to-use and easy-to-follow step-by-step process. It straight up asks you specific questions and you answer them and then fill out the forms by using the numbers directly from your W2, 1099s, or other forms. It calculates your refund (or what you owe!) and you can also e-file your taxes directly through their site. I have had a good experience on it.

Forms you need:
  • W2 or 1099-MISC with earnings from the previous year
  • Your bank will make a 1099-INT available online for you if you've earned enough in interest to have to report it.
  • Your student loans will send you a 1098-E form, usually by email, showing your reportable amount of interest that you have paid over the year. (This can get you more of a refund!)
  • Any investment accounts or retirement accounts NOT through your workplace (if you have a 401k through work, it will be reported on your W2 for you) will send you a 1099 form, whether it is a 1099-DIV or a 1099-INT. These show any dividends you received or money you have taken out of these accounts, that tell the IRS if you need to pay taxes on it. These numbers also need to be reported on your taxes.

So that might seem overwhelming, but you'll receive all the forms either physically in the mail or electronically, so you don't have to go get them or anything. And once you have all the forms, it is tax time! You can go visit a private tax practitioner, you can go to a tax company like Jackson Hewitt, Liberty Tax, or H&R Block, or you can do it online yourself using tools like TurboTax, Intuit, TaxAct, and more.

It's up to you how you do it. If you try to do it yourself online and are uncomfortable with it, simply stop before you file and take your forms to a person to do your taxes for you. You can only file once, but you can stop the process before you complete it and go about it in another way.


I know this sounds like a lot, but once you gather the paperwork and do it yourself once, you'll see it can actually be pretty easy! TurboTax keeps my information from previous years of filing, and I don't have to re-input all of my information every time, I just add the new information. Doing my taxes takes about 30 minutes, and I get my refund about 2 weeks later, direct deposited into my account.
We didn't learn this stuff in school! But the information is out there, and I hope you find this helpful!


Future topics for this series includes: Job searching, Job interviews, what business casual/professional dress codes mean, what affects your credit score/what is a credit score, what is a mortgage? How to care for a pet including vet & food expenses, time, etc. Moving cities or neighborhoods as an adult, and making a budget.

Please feel free to give me ideas, suggestions, or criticism on any of this or additional topics!

Friday, February 5, 2016

Texts From Cat

If My Cat Could Text

I love the Texts From Dog blog, I think it’s hysterical. But I don’t have a dog. I have a cat. Like most cats, he is random, launches off my belly sometimes, annoys me when I’m trying to sleep, is soft and warm and cuddly, and purrs like a tiny floofy motorboat when I get home after work.

He doesn’t knock things over, which is nice. But he does bite toes and fingers, which is not nice. He does not claw furniture, which is awesome. But he does wake me up before my alarm clock demanding breakfast, which is decidedly not awesome.

Sometimes I wish I could check in with him when I’m at work. Shoot him a quick text like “Hey, Dex, how is your day going?” Except he sleeps most of the day and then wants to play all night.

I looked up texts from cats, and the closest I could find was textsfrommittens.com, which is just not the same.

I love Dexter, that fluffy bastard. Here is what it would be like if he had opposable thumbs and figured out how to turn on the tablet while I’m at work:

Me: Hey, Mr. Fluffybutt! How is your day going?
Dexter: *selfie picture of his butt*
(I think he’s trying to say something about the nickname)



Dexter: You did not feed me, you tall sack of fleshy pale skin. I demand food.
Me: Yes, I did, Sweetie! Fed you chicken flavor before I left for work!
Dexter: It smelled gross, I stepped in it in disdain and tracked it across the rug in my room just to make you have to clean it. Give me food.



Me: I left your favorite toy in the living room!
Dexter: I played with it for 45 seconds. Time for a 13 hour nap.



Dexter: The door is closed and I want to go wander aimlessly in the building and sniff at other apartment doors.
Me: No.
Dexter: MROW MRRRRRROW MRRRRRROWWWWWWWW. (Followed by 170 texts with the same thing)



Dexter: *Picture of litterbox* Clean it, Human, or I will poop on your rug.
Me: I’ll clean it when I get home tonight.
Dexter: Damn right you will. WHO OWNS WHO?



Me: Stop snatching at my toes when I walk near you!
Dexter: I’m practicing my hunting skills.
Me: You’re an indoor cat in a one-animal house, there’s nothing to hunt!
Dexter: Practicing to hunt your toes harder when you LEAST EXPECT IT.



Me: What are you doing? I can hear you thumping around out there.
Dexter: A flying creature has invaded this home and I refuse to allow it to live.
Me: It’s just a fly, calm down. He can’t hurt you.
Dexter: IT SHALL DIE FOR OFFENDING ME.


Dexter: Are you eating cheese? I heard string cheese wrappers.
Me: Nooo, of course not.
Dexter: Give me some cheese, or kiss your shoelaces goodbye.


Dexter: You’re home, you’re home! Yay, I was so bored!
Me: Aww, I love you, Dex. I’m gonna keep scratching your chin and ears and love on you ALL NIGHT!
Dexter: That was fun, I’m done now. Mrow.


Me: You wanna treat?
Dexter: GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
Me: Who’s a good boy?
Dexter: GIVE ME THE TREAT AND I’LL LET YOU LIVE.

Me: Did you eat my earplugs again?
Dexter: Yes.
Me: Stop it.
Dexter: No one tames Dexter!


Me: Move, you’re blocking the TV.
Dexter: Ok.
Me: No, no! Now you’re sitting right in my face!
Dexter: You knew the dangers of lying on the couch.