Bridezillas

Alternatively titled "Why Is Your Partner Even Marrying You?"

I’ve noticed that some people treat weddings as if they are the biggest, bestest day of their whole lives, and that they should get everything they want, no matter the cost and no matter how other people may feel. This is called the Bridezilla Syndrome.

Bridezillas are entitled to everything they want because “it’s my daaaaaaaay! I’m the briiiiiiiide!” And oh god, if you have ever seen the TV show “Bridezillas,” then you understand the type of person I’m talking about!

This attitude really bothers me. First and foremost, it is not “my day,” it is and always was “our day.” Without the groom/spouse, there would be no wedding, and it’s really weird how some people conveniently forget that.

For some reason, women are given a lot of leeway on their behavior when being a bride. Is it because women supposedly dream of their wedding all their lives (I didn’t)? Is it because the groom/spouse isn’t allowed to have an opinion? Have no men ever thought of how they might like their weddings? Why would you want to marry someone whose thoughts and opinions you have no respect for?

I saw a woman tell a vendor “Don’t ask him, he will just go with whatever I choose, he doesn’t care/know anything.” Is that the kind of person you want to marry? One who “doesn’t care” or whose opinions you don’t trust?

Why is it all about the bride, anyway? I was recently a bride, but my groom was the most important person to me there that day. His opinions DO matter, what he wants DOES matter, even if he sometimes didn’t care about the details. And when he didn’t really care about the details, like flower choices, he trusted my opinion, and I still discussed the contracts with him before we signed. My husband was involved in wedding planning because - surprise! - it was his day, too, and we wanted to have a nice event surrounded by friends and family.

I didn’t terrorize my poor bridespeople, they are my closest friends and family, why on earth would I make unreasonable demands on their time, money, or anything else? I love these people, I wasn’t trying to alienate them or make them do things they didn’t have time/energy/money for. These are human individuals with full lives separate from me and my wedding.

I just don’t understand the Bridezilla mindset. What will be accomplished with that attitude? And even if you DO get everything you want and it’s just what you planned, how does abusing your spouse and closest friends during the process look afterwards? I am part of a wedding planning/advice forum on Reddit, and there have been so many people who ask things like “My best friend treated me and all of her friends and family like shit for 6 months leading up to her wedding and now that it’s over, she’s calling me whining about why some people aren’t talking to her and wants everyone to tell her how great her wedding was. What do I do?” And many times, the people asking these questions don’t want to be friends with the people who treated them that way anymore.

And I completely understand!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, the wedding is one day. A beautiful, important day for you and your spouse, but just one day of your life. It’s the marriage that follows that should be your focus. Don’t go into debt for one day, don’t alienate your friends over one day, don’t stress yourself into an ulcer over ONE DAY.

I understand that for many, wedding planning is very stressful and there are pressures put on you from family members, cultural pressure or obligations, and more. But just as it is unacceptable to take a bad mood out on the people you love, so is it unacceptable to take being stressed out on the people you love. It’s how you handle the stress that shows what kind of person you are. Asking for help is fine, demanding someone to make your centerpieces or clean for you is not okay. And I truly don’t understand how some people don’t see this.

People come to a wedding or are in your wedding to support and celebrate with you. They don’t “owe” you anything, and they certainly don’t owe you all of their time and effort in the months leading up to the day.

I just wish more people could remember, it’s only one day out of the rest of your life. Put it into perspective. Strive for a fun celebration, but it’s the marriage and your other relationships that should be priority, especially after the wedding. And a lot of people don’t want to stay friends with someone who treated them poorly, no matter the reason.