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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

On this, the Anniversary of Your Birth

I recently turned 25. I like to joke that it’s time to have a quarter-life crisis. You know, trade that sports car in for a minivan, and start dating older men. I find it hilarious that people freak out over turning 25 or 30. With the average life expectancy in the US rising, being 30 is practically still a baby!

I have my whole life ahead of me. I’ve only been out of college for 4 and a half years. Hell, I still refer to things with “half” added to them. I noticed when I was 24-and-a-half. I’ll notice again this December when I am 25-and-a-half. I love these milestones. Birthdays, holidays, other people’s birthdays. I get as excited, of not more so, about other people’s birthdays as I do my own!

It’s because I love buying gifts for people. Two of my best friends in the whole world, Mike and Chris, turn 25 today. Because I live in NY and they live in FL, this is the first year I am not able to be around. I am, however, still able to buy them gifts!

My friends know not to expect something practical from me. Practical is from my mother, your mother, their mother, maybe their well-meaning-but-not-quite-getting-it significant others. I don't give practical to my best friends. The ONLY exception to this is when it is something they actually need and specifically ask for. Otherwise, I’m hitting the toy aisle.

They do it too! Among recent years, I have received: a slip n’ slide (yes, we played with it), a bubble wand, a huge thing of water balloons (with convenient filler nozzles), and more.

This year, I hit up Toys R Us online! So not only do they get cool gifts, which are NOT socks, but they also get to receive a package in the mail. And everyone loves getting presents in the mail. It’s one of those things, like fireworks and Halloween, that take us back to a time of youth and excitement. What could it be? Shake it a little, look at the address label. And finally, rip it open in excitement and glee. And for those few minutes, we don’t care where the packaging went, or that we have to clean it up later, we don’t rip the paper off carefully, and we use our hands, nails, and teeth, before finally resorting to going off and finding scissors for that ONE inevitable stubborn piece of tape we have to cut through.

They are going to love it! I can’t spill yet, as they read this blog and haven’t received it yet. BUT, I can tell you it’s fun, silly, something their parents wouldn’t get them, and completely impractical for an adult.

Bet you $10 that they are even more psyched to receive it since reading this!

Happy 25th birthday, Mike and Chris Kilborn. AKA 2 of my best friends in the whole world.

PS Emily (AKA other bffeeee), I love you dearly and wish I could have made a supercool blog post about you on YOUR birthday, but I didn’t have a blog at that time. Please accept my undying love and affection, and laughing while kicking your husband out of bed so that you and I can indulge in girl talk without him, as a substitute until next year. :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dear Bruno Mars

Dear Bruno Mars,

I really like your song, ‘Grenade.’ It’s super catchy and I find myself humming it or singing along to it all the time. However, I have a couple of questions for you.

Instead of volunteering to catch live grenades for this woman, which admittedly is both a little sweet and kind of creepy, perhaps instead you should be analyzing WHY people are hurling grenades and blades at this woman. Does she deserve it? Is she simply getting her comeuppance? If that's the case, you are standing in the way of rogue justice.

Also a mindbender: How would jumping in front of a train in any way protect or save this woman? I guess I can see where your point though, by jumping in front of the train, YOU no longer have to deal with her. But she would still be out in the world, creating havoc and suddenly with no one to catch grenades being thrown at her face. But in what way would jumping in front of a moving train and getting mowed over protect her? Doesn’t she have eyes? Why in world was she on train tracks to begin with? There are signs posted and everyone knows it’s dangerous! If it’s for the squished and flattened pennies…you’re doing it wrong.

Lastly, I have a more perplexing question. How are you so in love with this woman? You said yourself, she's mad, bad and friends with the devil. She had her eyes open during your first kiss! (Side note: how did you know her eyes were open during the kiss unless yours were, too? Both people, eyes open, first kiss—awwwwwkward!) You couldn’t have dated her that long, if you knew she wasn’t that into you. How did you fall so hard?

To be fair, it’s a really fun song to sing along with, and I annoy the boyfriend with it now and then, too, so that’s definitely a plus.  

Please respond with a 5 paragraph essay using the correct TREE method and MLA format.

Have a great day!


Monday, July 11, 2011

I Am So Uncoordinated

I love baseball. And football, but baseball is my main love. Some people think it's boring, my mother included. My poor mom! Not being much of a sports fan, she was forced to sit through all of my little league softball games, and later high school swim meets, as well as my brother's high school football games, in which he was on the marching band drumline.

I really love sports. It is unfortunate, really, that I am so incredibly uncoordinated that me actually playing sports is hilarious. I don't mean it to be. I really try. But I am one of those people who trips over their own feet when walking in a semi-straight line. Completely sober. On flat ground.

Last year, around November, I dislocated my elbow and sprained my wrist after crashing to the ground in a crosswalk. I had to wear a wristguard and sling! When I looked, there wasn't even anything in the road I could have tripped over!

Now, I am a spectator.

But sometimes, you are in the right place at the right time to be a spectator. On Saturday, July 9th, I was in the stands to witness baseball history. Derek Jeter, #2 on the Yankees, and has been a Yankee his entire almost 20-year career, hit his 3000th career hit! And it could not have been more exciting if he had planned it.

2 outs, a full count. There's the pitch! Oh, and it's a foul ball! Another pitch, another FOUL! Everyone is chanting Jeter's name and have cameras ready. A last pitch, and CRACK! A homer out over left field! The crowd went nuts, the jumbotron replayed it a zillion times, and the whole Yankees team was waiting at home plate to hug and butt-slap Jeter when he got there. He waved to the crowd, and a bunch of (apparently) pre-taped interviews with players, coaches, baseball greats, and commentators played on the jumbotron the rest of the game, talking about how great it was for Jeter and how proud they were, and how much of an honor it is to work with him. It was really cool.

He is the 28th ball player in history to hit 3000. The highest of all-time was Pete Rose with an amazing total of 4,256!! Jeter is only the 2nd player to hit his 3000th on a home run.

Seriously, it was amazing to see. I am keeping my ticket stub!

While cheering this awesome moment, I swing my arm back and cut my finger on the edge of my seat. Yep, story of my life. :)