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Friday, May 1, 2015

My Mom “Hates” Cats

This is a text I received from my cat-hating mom: “Post more pictures of your cat on Facebook.”

When my mom married my stepdad, we had a large black Labrador and a small tabby cat. I had just gotten the kitten for Hanukkah 3 months prior to their wedding, and I was 12. I’d wanted a cat forever! My mom claimed she didn't like cats, so never let me get one. When she and my stepdad got engaged, he convinced her to let me get a rescue kitten for Hanukkah, and simply said “Don’t worry, the cat can live at my house.”

Mom readily agreed, since she wouldn't have to live with it. 3 months later, Mom and Bill got married and we moved into Bill’s house. Mom had NOT connected the dots, and suddenly found herself living with a furry little kitty who loved belly rubs and sitting on people’s shoulders.

About 4 years later, we added a second black Labrador to our house. At that point another of my brothers had moved out. In case you were wondering, dogs are better than big brothers!

To this day, we still laugh about how Mom got suckered into living with a cat. It’s not our fault she didn't realize she’d be living with it!

In the end, Mom loved that little furball. He was really easygoing, loved to be pet and cuddled and was very sweet. Mom insisted on calling him “Dog” (his name was Chance).

To be fair, Mom had an issue with names. I am the only daughter and the youngest sibling, with 4 brothers above me. Every time Mom needed one of us, she would cycle through a few names before getting to the one she needed. I grew up thinking my name was “Dane-Charlie-Jyss-dammit, YOU!”

Chance is unfortunately gone from our lives, and Mom had a few cat-free years. Now my brother Charlie has a cat, Toothless, whose main characteristic is, unsurprisingly, a mouth completely free of teeth. Toothless is a sweet and loving cat, and my mom now has a new cat friend.

Fiance and I got a kitten almost 3 months ago. This little dude is named Dexter, and he is an incredibly fluffy ball of kitten-energy. Mom came to NYC to help me pick a wedding dress, and despite her claim of lifelong cat-hatred, not only allowed the cat to SLEEP with her at night while she was there, but then she was so cute about it. The next morning, she tells me “He just came and sat by my head, and I just pet him for a really long time! He didn’t even move!”

I’m sure you can really feel the underlying simmering hatred of kitties.

Even though it has only been a couple of months, this cat has doubled in size since we got him. Again, he is incredibly fluffy. He’s a Siberian! Rawr!

Though Fiance and I have undoubtedly become Cat People, with kitty toys strewn across the living room, and talking to him as if he understands us, I have not been a nutbar about posting never-ending cat pictures on facebook. I’ve posted a few, like on his 4-months-from-birthday day, to show how much he’s grown, but I have not been ‘crazy cat lady” posting.

SIDE NOTE: The phrases “4 month birthday” or “3 month anniversary” drive me insane! I’m sure I’ve made the mistake of saying it before, and then probably hated myself in a corner for awhile after. It’s doesn’t make sense! Anniversary denotes one time ANNUALLY. Birthday is the ONE TIME EACH YEAR on which it is the anniversary of your birth. “6-month birthday” is not actually a thing. It does not exist. Think about that for awhile.

Anyway, this whole post is to tell you how my mom texted me that I should post more cat pictures online for her to look at. Weirdly, she didn’t even ask for me to text or email them directly to her. She wants me to post them on facebook so that EVERYONE can enjoy my glorious, majestic, not-so-graceful kitty. Why would she want to hoard cat pictures when she can make everyone she knows admire them? After all, Dexter is her grandkitty.
Look at this fluffy belly! Irresistible!

I agree, Mom. I should totally post more cat pictures. Dexter is frickin’ ADORABLE and deserves the world’s admiration.

Awwww, my fluffy little buddy :)