Crime Shows, Cheese, and Animal Sounds.

Just hearing the name “Sarah McLaughlin” makes me want to hold my dog and sniffle. Thanks, McLaughlin for depressing the crap out of me during Glee. I remember when that song used to play on the radio, and it didn’t make me want to shoot myself. Or someone else. I mean, I watch Criminal Minds and The Mentalist and Law & Order. I could totally murder someone all over and stuff. And you would NEVER EVER KNOW.

Except that I talk a lot and would probably tell someone. Then everyone would know, and that could be terrible. Unless they all thought I was joking? I tend to joke around a lot. Maybe people never even really know when I’m being serious-Jyssica or when it’s sarcastic-funtimes-Jyssica. Phenomenal. :)

You know what makes me feel decidedly and unrepentantly non-murdery? Cheese. I love cheese. I love it so much that I would marry cheese and have string cheese and mozzarella-ball babies with it, upon which time I would be arrested for baby cannibalism. Not that I am a baby eating other babies, but that I would eat my genetically delicious cheese kids. I wouldn’t even need to marry cheese. I mean, single parents are becoming the norm nowadays, and no one would dare call my cheese babies illegitimate, because everyone knows that you can say anything you want about me, but the second you mess with my friends and family, I go from “Yay! 7 year old skipping and twirling on the inside!” to “BACK IT UP, I WILL CUT YOU.” Which is to say, I go from awesome-normal to badass-crazypants. It’s a fun transition to watch, I assume.

That's me eating cheese-babies. They should be on a table or something and not hanging in midair like that. I am a terrible cheesy-mother.

So, cheese. My favorite is string cheese, as a snack. Or as my whole dinner, whatevs. I also love it on meat, veggies, potatoes, inside meat, on top of stuff, and in my salads. Not so much on fruit, though, that sounds weird. Sometimes, if I eat too much cheese, it makes my stomach all sad and rumbly. I am actually mildly lactose intolerant. Found out when I was about 16, and it was a sad, sad day in my household. Well...at least in my head. I can still eat it, just not in large quantities all at once. So back to yay!

You know what I really love? Comedy. Standup, sit down, improv, funny movies, you name it. I’ll take a comedy movie over horror (eek!) or sappy romance any day! I love to laugh and I find so many things funny, and it just makes me happy. I used to watch Whose Line Is It Anyway ALLLLLL the time, and I just found out about this blog that is dedicated to it, fuckyeahwhoseline.tumblr.com that is supercompletelyamazeballsfantastic. You should totally go there. It has .gifs and clips and quotes. I like comedy in general. I’ve seen a lot of amateur standup, because it is so fun. I have a secret dream of being this sarcastic, witty stand up comic! I don’t think it’ll happen, though. I have this way of telling stories that ends up going off onto random tangents in the middle before eventually (and sometimes not at all) circling back to the original story to make it all wrap up nicely. People who know me: shut up. I said it, no need to elaborate!

I just thought of something else that’s really weird. My friend Megan and I suddenly happened upon finding ourselves in an animal-sound fight. Now, I know a lot of animals. But it’s harder than you think. Once you get past the Old Macdonald farm animals, it gets tougher. How do you type out (the animal-sound shenanigan happened over IM, not verbally) a penguin, a koala bear, a kangaroo, or a clownfish sound? Whales I can do. It’s like this: oooOOOOHHHoooaaaahhAAAOAOAOOOAAAOooooAAAaaahh. BAM. Whale.

I shall leave you with a cheese joke:
Q: What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
A: Limburger!
(lol. but not me, limburger, ewwww.)

And a line from Whose Line Is It Anyway? (from my favorite, Ryan Stiles!)