What My Closet Reveals About Me.

I was a very odd child. Aside from the obvious weirdness I still exhibit, I had selective hyper-organization skills. I say selective because I used to refer to the floor as “the biggest shelf in the house,” and my room looked like a disaster site. Though to be fair, I knew where every single thing was, it was just that other people might die in there. But at least I’d know where they were! My mom says I also showed signs of "selective hearing," but that one was a more deliberate choice.

Here is a good example of my selective hyper-organization skillz:

I didnt know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I was interested in a ton of different things. So I found a file box, one of those plastic boxes for 4 x 6 index cards, with a closing top and alphabetical files in it. And then I proceeded to write each thing I was interested in on a card, a description of what I thought it would be like to do that for a job, and filed it in my box. In alphabetical order, of course. I actually still have it somewhere. Probably in a box of random crap in my parent's garage.

Mine was blue, in case you needed a clearer picture.

My 'files' looked something like this:

Job: Writer

My life: Sitting at a fancypants computer in a big huge house with a pool and a horse and 7 dogs. I’ll write when I’m not swimming and stuff. Writing means working from home, which means no pants.

Oh. My. God.

I was a genius.

No wonder I want to be a writer so badly. Hello? NO PANTS WORKDAYS. That’s the winning career. I hadn’t even factored that into adult-me wanting to be a writer.

Another example:

Job: Astronaut

My life: Marrying another astronaut while we are in space, flipping upside down and stuff. Discover new planets and stars and make a lot of money. Also, pretending I am swimming through a spaceship sounds wicked awesome.

Ok, I need to stop giving examples. It turns out little me was not so different from adult me. Because I have to tell you, both of those examples are making me rethink the path my life is currently on.

Is it too late to become an astronaut? I think they have a physical test, and I have to tell you, I don’t run. I am an UH-DULT. There is no reason for to be running to or from anything. I have no money, so there’s no one attempting to rob me, and I’m not quite at a point in my life where I feel the urge to run toward McDonalds or something. I mean, I’ve never tried it, but I also don’t think I would do one of those slow-motion running on the beach into Boyfriend’s arms. That just seems silly. So there you have it. I don’t run.

If someone were to start chasing me, I’d probably get about 7 strides in and then stop, huffing and puffing, bent over with my hands on my knees, and yell at the person “WHY THE HECK ARE YOU CHASING ME?” And if that person couldn’t provide a satisfactory answer, like maybe “Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Someone rich.” Or something along those lines, then I am going to shark-punch him in the throat and get back to walking at my normal speed. 

Me, after a block. But not black and no way in hell would I be in some kind of race.

One way my awkward organization skills show themselves in my adult life is my closet. With my shoes, I just leave them in a pile on the floor, usually pointing in the direction I was going when I took them off. But I have all my tops hung up neatly in the closet. Which isn’t the weird part. They are in color order, from lightest to darkest. Now, I haven’t taken it TOO far. They are NOT in order of sleeveless-short sleeve-long sleeve (at least not at the moment).

But they are in color order, starting with white on the far left and moving down the line to yellow, peach, pink, red, teal, green, blue, purple, brown, black.

It makes sense for me. When I am in the shower in the morning, I like to think ahead to what I am going to wear to work that day, and it’s rarely a specific T-shirt that I want to wear. It’s usually more like, “Hmm...I think I’m in more of a teal mood today.”

And it’s super easy to maintain! I leave the hanger wherever the shirt was, so when my laundry is clean and I’m hanging stuff up, if it’s a blue shirt, I just grab the empty hanger from the blues and put the clean one right back where it was! The fact that the closet shelves are messy and a bit disorganized, and there's dust all on the floor, does not negate the fact that my clothes hang in a rainbow of happiness.

This isn't my closet. But it's beautiful!

DON’T JUDGE ME. Or at least, don’t judge me for THAT. There is so much more going on in me that you could judge me for. :) 

I wonder if a psychologist would have a field day with me, or if I am not as odd as people say I am, and he would traverse easily through the weirdness in me?

I was an ordinary child in many ways. Isn’t that what criminal masterminds always say? Didn’t Dr. Evil say something to that effect? And the car he was in was incinerated and he was saved only by the protective shell of his mother. And then something about Belgians.

There are only 2 things I can’t stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people AND THE DUTCH!

...somehow, it always comes back to Austin Powers, doesn’t it? Life, the universe, everything. Screw 42, it’s Austin Powers that explains it all. Even Clarissa never came close.

lol, one more:

“I used to think you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts!”(and yes, Mom, I AM using the correct form of "your" here, in context. I'd explain it, but you'd probably think it was gross.)

Bwahahahaha!

Love that whole series. I even have them on DVDs. Much to Boyfriend’s dismay, I like DVDs, and CDs, and other obsolete technology he no longer deigns to acknowledge. Poor Boyfriend, living with such a technologically backwards person, one who even argues in favor of watching movies on DVD, because then we can watch deleted scenes and other extras. I can see how that would cause a techy person immense suffering. :P