It’s Just A Flesh Wound!

This is how I described how I felt after being sick, to a friend: “Better, but not great. Example: I could probably bring myself to jump, but it wouldn’t be very high and I wouldn’t have a smile on while doing it.”

That was just one of those “ugh-not-feeling-well” days. You know, when you’re technically FINE and well enough to work, but you are just feeling a bit off?

And then there are the times when you actually do injure yourself dramatically, whether it is chopping of half a finger with a kitchen knife and ruining the broccoli, or taking a chainsaw to your knee, or pulling a groin muscle at the gym. It is at THOSE times that I realize that “Ehh, it’s not THAT bad, I can walk this off.”

Actual leg-chainsaw wound. Who knew they went IN?

 

Once, during my 6-year tenure as a waitress in high school and college, I was using a filet knife (really SUPER SHARP) and accidentally sliced down my pinky finger. The knife was so sharp I hadn’t even realized I’d cut myself until I saw the blood. There was a LOT of it. But I was still at work, so I wrapped it up and kept going. By the end of the shift, I’d gone through a bunch of paper towels and bandaids. The coolest thing about the whole thing was that you could actually see all the tissues and muscle, because I had cut it down to the bone (I am not squeamish).

It finally slowed down on the bleeding, and it wasn’t unbearably painful, so I just went home. The next morning, I realized it was worse than I’d thought, and I went to the ER to see about some stitches. Turns out, I did need them, but they won’t put any in if it has been more than 6 hours, due to bacteria n’ stuff. So, they bandaged and wrapped it and sent me on my way. I still have the scar.

But if I get a papercut? HELL NO! Call the ambulance because I think they’ll have to take the whole hand! Have you ever seen the Jackass movies? I have, and a lot of it is ridiculously funny. But they have this one bit where they take a manila envelope and they give each other papercuts on the webbing of their fingers and toes. I almost DIED. It was terrible and cringeworthy and hurt my very soul.

And yet, when I was 9, I broke my collarbone and when the doctor asked me how, I couldn’t remember. Probably because I was always doing stupid reckless stuff, so no particular incident leapt out at me. I also broke a lot of bones as a kid.

But it’s the same way when I’m sick. I have a cold and it’s like I’m dying. The worst is when someone (other than your mom) is trying to take care of you. I just want to lay in bed, unshowered and disgusting, and not be touched by anyone. The last thing I need is for anyone (other than my mom) seeing me that way. I just want to be left alone to sleep and die. I’m like a guy that way.

Have you ever been around a guy when he has a simple cold? I have 4 older brothers. This is what it’s like: “OH GOD, WHY ME? WHY DO YOU HATE ME SOOO? I AM DYING! IS MY DEATH ENOUGH TO APPEASE YOU, OH HATEFUL GOD OF THE SKY?!” And so on. Usually while laying in bed while Mom cooks something (or laughs).

But if any of us has something more serious, we kind of adopt an “ignore it and it will go away” mentality. I certainly do. “What? Pneumonia? Pffft. I feel ok. I’m definitely ok to work. I HAVE to work. There is no way I’m losing out on my long weekend in Myrtle Beach because some pansy-ass pneumonia dared to invade my Fortress of Bodily Amazingness and sacrifice my vacation days. *cough cough rattle* I’m good, I’m going to go prove it by skateboarding over a beached whale. That’ll show everyone!”

http://salesbox.synthasite.com/Skateboard_stuff.php

 I hear if you ignore it hard enough, it’s like it doesn’t even EXIST. And this pic is nice.






Also, one of my favorite phrases when i scrape something, injure something, or cut something is to mutter “Shake it off, walk it off, take it like a man.” No idea why, I’ve just said it for as long as I can remember when I or someone I know hurts themselves somehow.