Sporks and Gangs.

Do you ever see something amazing, and you find yourself thinking “Damn! I wish I’d thought of that! It’s flippin’ genius!”? Many people might say this over incredible inventions, like the aeroplane, the computer, or the portable phone.

I say this over knee socks with capes attached to them. And The Oatmeal comic. And actual oatmeal (go maple and brown sugar...woo!).

They totally exist. BAM! http://www.wackyplanet.com/batman-super-hero-socks.html

Not the cotton gin, not space shuttles or cars that plug in. Nope, I’d rather have been the brilliant inventor of the couch recliner, astronaut ice cream, or those toe socks where each toe has its own little hole.

Speaking of inventors, there is this show on TV called Shark Tank. It’s 5 self-made millionaires and billionaires, who sit in judgment on regular people who come in and ask them for money to invest in their business/idea. They sharks listen to the pitch and then decide whether or not to invest their own money into the people’s businesses. It is really cool. Some people have some of the dumbest ideas I have ever seen, and others have things that make me go “Hmm...now I want one of those!” This is irrelevant to everything, I just felt like talking about this show. I’ve been watching it a lot on Hulu recently.

I like sporks. They are so beautiful and versatile. Want ice cream? Go for it, a spork will help you out with that. Noodles? Soup? Turkey burger? Sporks can help you with ANYTHING. They are magical and amazing and I love them. I should carry around a little spork-pocket/bag/thingy, and when I go to restaurants, I can ceremoniously open it, take out my spork, and sniff derisively at the other flatware as I flick it carelessly to the floor, because it is inherently inferior to my one-utensil of the Spork.

 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mr-Sporks-awesome-adventures/152094121495217

Look! I found that Super Spork on Facebook, and he apparently has awesome adventures!

Also, I don’t know if you’ve really thought about this before, but sporks are almost identical to cantaloupe spoons, which I have long-argued are the exactly perfect tool that one would use IF one felt the need to scoop out an eyeball. I know it’s probably gross for you to imagine, but imagine this: a cantaloupe spoon (and also a spork) is at just the right size the scoop an eyeball out of a socket. Isn’t that weird?

I'm from Holland! Isn't that veird?

Now, on a scale of 4-year-old girl to dead guy, how good are you at keeping secrets? I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re around the level of “15-year-old trying to get away with something” and tell you anyway.  Sometimes, I wish I were part of a gang. A rogue karaoke gang that would be just, like 5 or 7 people walking around normally, maybe in a grocery store, or an elevator, or other places where music is commonly played. So, we’re just chillin’, and out of nowhere, we bang out a 30-45 second synchronized dance, while singing along to the song playing on the radio.

Then just walk away like nothing happened. That’s right, I want to be a badass karaoke-dance gang member. I wonder if there are matching tattoos involved? 

I just drew this. This is what I imagine a karaoke-dance-gang tattoo to look like.