Luckily for you, dear, sweet, innocent readers, I am sharing with you these 12 important life lessons. One thing I will mention is that no one flippin' told me this stuff early enough. Or maybe they did and I wasn't ready to listen. If it was my parents saying it, then I definitely didn't listen! Either way, here are 12 things that I have learned about life, the hard way. Not in books, not in school, and definitely not from TV. Especially the TV shows I watch! They are all true, and I feel like we should all learn a little something.
1. You’re never going to be 100% happy about everything, all of the time.
There are parts of every job that you won’t like. Even if you get the exact job you went to school for, or dreamed of since you were 7, there will be parts of it you just won’t enjoy. If you’re a pop star, the constant travel and PR might get on your nerves; if you own your own business, you might hate the nightly paperwork and accounting; if you are a computer tech, you may dislike certain client questions; you may simply hate the long hours that you hadn’t realized you’d be working. It is a part of life. You won’t like everything all the time, just like you won’t like or be liked by everyone all the time. As long as you like MOST of your job, you are pretty ahead of the curve.
2. You will not be liked by everyone.
Fact of life, my friend. You don’t like every single person you come in contact with, client or not. And they will not always like you. Sometimes it is a simple personality clash and you just don’t mesh well. Sometimes, that other person is a terrible excuse for a human being. There is nothing you can do about it. Being a business person also means realizing that you are not always there to make friends. You are there to do your job to the best of your ability, and then go home and eat bacon-wrapped pizza dogs with your cat. And sometimes, even your cat may not like you. But trust me, there are tons of people--and animals--who will like you. You can’t take it personally. Life is not about making it easy on you, and everyone’s own lives are centered around themselves, not you.
3. As a manager, you are not your employees’ friend.
As a leader in any situation, you want your underlings to like and respect you. I get it, it’s natural. However, you can’t be everyone’s best friend. You just can’t. Your job is to make sure they are doing their job. And if you are gossiping with them, or drinking with them every night, your lemmings will assume that that behavior is okay, and will not work as hard, knowing that you won’t mind if something is late, or sloppy, or they are too hungover to work today.
4. You really do catch more flies with honey.
Ugh, that is such a stupid sounding phrase. But the gist is correct. Being a competent manager or leader, or even being a good customer, depends mostly on you. If you are rude, and mean, and threatening, you will not get as much service and you will make a bad impression, whether it is on a client who will not return with more business in the future, or the cashier at the grocery store who is trying to pay for school. Good rule: Be nice to customer service people. Trust me on this one. They can make things easier or harder for you, and your attitude will decide which one. People will remember your rudeness. Being nice is easier, things tend to get done sooner, and you might actually make a few friends along the way. That is not to say you shouldn’t stand up for yourself is someone is treating you badly.
5. You have to stand up for yourself and/or your company.
Rude, angry customers and clients are fait accompli. You WILL encounter them. Someone might be having a bad day and accidentally take it out on you, someone may be frustrated at the situation and lash out, someone may just be a rude jerk who can’t figure out that not everything goes their way all the time. To a certain extent, this is normal. As a worker, whether you own the company or are the mail-kid, you just have to do your job as best you can, try to appease the client or boss, and try not to take it personally. However, if anyone, a customer or a manager, is mean to you in a personal attack or an inappropriate way, you absolutely have the right to stand up for yourself. Don’t get in someone’s face and scream obscenities. Be firm, explain why the situation is not okay, and stand your ground.
If you are at a store or restaurant and it is a worker being inappropriate, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking to speak to a manager, or getting the phone number of the corporate office. As a person and as a customer, you deserve a modicum of politeness, and you have to assume that you are not the only customer being treated this way, and the company needs to be aware that there is a problem, before they can address it. Stand up for yourself, but do not stoop to the level of the person being nasty to you.
6. Learn to like coffee.
Trust me, you will need it.
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| http://explodingdog.com/title/ineedcoffee.html |
In the real world, especially in a situation where it is your first job, or when you are just low on the totem pole in a company, no one cares who your parents are, what your last name is, how much money you have, or what types of clothes you wear. If you used to stand on that type of stuff in high school and college, and especially if you’ve ever used the oversaturated line, “Do you KNOW who I am?!” I am here to tell you: Nope. They really don’t know or care who you are. You are working now. The only way to prove yourself is to do your job, and do it well. Demanding special status, treatment, more money for the same job, or giving excuses is just not okay, and makes you look like an overindulged toddler. Guess what? That coworker whom you think is stupid and not rich, or who you don’t like for various other personal reasons, may make more money than you or have a better title or job description, but it is because that person will have earned it. And claiming that “It’s just not FAIR.” won’t change anything.
8. Life isn’t fair. Isn’t that great?
Yeah, we have ALL said it at one point or another. Life just isn’t FAIR. And it would be so much easier on me if it was! It’s not FAIR that that other person got the last of the tater tots, I wanted some! It’s not FAIR that guy got a promotion before I did. Well, while sometimes you may be right, and it really isn’t fair, it’s still the way things are sometimes. I’ll let you in on a secret, though. Life isn’t fair for ANYONE, and in a way, that kind of makes it fair for everyone. Nice little nugget of profundity there, huh? Yep.
Most of us learn this at some point in our lives. We finally have that realization that life isn’t just out to get ME, it’s out to get EVERYONE. And somehow, that makes it all a little better. Some people don’t ever get this particular epiphany, and some of them end up criminals. Think about it. It isn’t that far of a jump from “That’s not fair!” to “Well, if Life won’t be fair, I’ll just take what I want.” to “It wasn’t my fault, Judge, that guy wouldn’t just GIVE me the money when I asked nicely!”
9. The criminal justice system isn’t always right.
This one is tough. We grow up respecting and believing that when bad people do bad things, they are punished. Reality intercedes when, as an adult, you come to realize that the system isn’t perfect. There are corrupt cops in the world, sometimes innocent people are wrongly accused, and there are people who get away with crimes. A lot of people do get caught, and some don’t. Sometimes, there are heinous crimes that are hard to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. Which is what the law requires. This one is a difficult pill for me to swallow, even now. It just isn’t fair! The system is a good one, but not perfect.
10. You can't change people.
You might have the best of intentions, and honestly want to help people, and I totally give you credit for that. But you cannot make someone change, and you just won't be able to. Whether it is something like a health problem, like wanting someone to quit smoking, or eat better, or exercise more, or if it is something larger, like wanting someone to be more ambitious or considerate, or even go back to college. The only time a change can happen is when a person wants to do it, and is ready to do it, for themselves. You can't force someone to do anything, even when you are really only doing it because you care about them. And even if you could, or if you do nag someone into changing that thing about themselves, there is going to be some resentment. If you truly care about someone, you have to be supportive and considerate of them. You can give advice, you can help them if they ask, but you can't, and shouldn't try to, force them to change if they don't want to.
11. There is little point in having regrets.
Here is the thing about regrets: it happened, it’s over, and you can’t change it. Whatever it is in your past that you have regrets about, it’s over. That is why it’s called the past. The best thing you can do is to get up, dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Dwelling on it won’t change anything except making you sad or angry, or hurt. You have to figure out what you learned from the situation, and make changes in yourself if necessary, and move forward. That’s not to say you should forget it, but you have to move past it in order to continue living. This is a very tough thing for most people to do, but it is certainly an important one.
I have bad news for you. Here is the last one on this list:
12. Your parents were right.
This one sucks to admit. Unless you are already a parent yourself, and are therefore now feeling smug and self-righteous and are pointing to this while saying to your kids “neener neener, this say I’m right! So there!”
In that case, maybe not ALL parents are right.
But here’s the thing. Hindsight is 20/20. Your parents have already done all the stupid kid stuff that you want to do. All the misadventures and parties and probably drugs, and underage drinking, and driving where you know you aren’t supposed to. They did it all, and they did it during a time when people didn’t record and youtube every stupid thing they said or did. Your parents were probably better at getting away with it, too, since they didn’t brag about their stupid escapades on a then-nonexistent Facebook, forgetting that Mom is one of your Facebook friends.
Because they have done it all already, and they also understand how dumb teenagers actually are (and they are. As a former teen, I will attest to this fact.), they are trying to protect you and keep you from being an idiot and making bad decisions. As a kid, we think that our parents are oppressing us and not letting us make our own decisions, or be independent, and that they just want to be fun vampires who suck the awesome out of everything we will ever love.
They are RIGHT. My mom is going to be so vindicated when she reads this. They love you, they want you to be adults someday, and not killed drag racing a Honda Civic down Main Street. They also would prefer you to not be jailed, maimed, or have any other lifelong consequences of your idiotic 16-year-old decisions.
That one may have been the toughest life lesson that I ever had to learn. Dammit, Mom!
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| My mom and I. She's pretty awesome, when she isn't overly excited about being right when I was younger. |
Don’t sit next to the hobo on the train. That smell doesn’t dissipate.
I know this was a long one, so in order to leave you with something to make you smile. As if that picture of my adorable mom and I didn't do enough, here:
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| Oh, Paul Rudd. Adore. |
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