How Would The Pope React If God Was a Woman?

You know what would be awesome and more than a little hilarious? If there really was a god, and then when you die, you find out it’s a lesbian woman goddess.

All the religious people would be hella confused, and you’d practically be able to see their brains self-combust as they try to decide between a lifelong programmed response of “GOD HATES GAYS!” and the much more respectful sentiment of “Oh, well, ok, I can adapt. Guess you’re mighty pissed about that anti-gay demonstration and that I voted against the Fair Pay Act. Hmm...maybe I’ll just give myself a little time out to think about what I’ve done. I am going to go face that cloud, and later, maybe we can discuss this some more?”

Wonder what the Pope’s reaction would be? I just can't get this image of a stooped old white man in a bulletproof glass vehicle, just scratching his head and trying to make sense out of it. What would he say? What would he do? Would he attempt to communicate with the still-living to explain that they've had it all wrong and they need to do some rewriting of their laws and stuff?

ALANIS.And I'm heeeere! To remind youuu! Of the mess you left, when you went away! It's not faaaair!

So, that segues nicely into tell you what happened yesterday:
Monday morning, March 11th, 8 am: A guy gets on the 5 train and starts rambling on about how women should wear long jackets. He said that short jackets that don't cover your butt means you are going away from God, and that God hates women who wear short jackets. Then he started singing (an unfortunately catchy tune) about Judgement Day coming.

I ended up humming his stupid song during the rest of my walk to work. That was the most annoying part!

Swear to god, the EXACT SAME GUY got on my train again this morning. First words out of his mouth were "Long jackets, ladies! LONG JACKETS." No explanation this time. Some people looked confused. But I knew what was going on, so I continued my time-tested method of ignoring the heck out of people and reading my Kindle. I love my Kindle.

I googled “Does god hate short jackets?” Just for funsies. The very top result was “Does God Hate Detroit?”

And I think we all know the answer to THAT question. Duh, of course He/She/It does.

I am not particularly religious, and it generally amuses me when I see train preachers, or Turlington Plaza preachers (Go Gators!) or when random customers used to try to convince me that Judaism was wrong and we just “didn’t understand” and would leave those ridiculous Jesus brochures as a “tip” when I was a waitress. (If I wanted to explore Jesus, I could get my own brochures and Zagat book to plan my trip.) Note to self: pamphlets, brochures, and business cards of any kind do not constitute a tip.

Even though people who try to convert me don’t really bother me most of the time, I do sometimes find that it is difficult for me to refrain from just interrupting them mid-sentence and yelling “Yeah? Well there’s a REASON YOU WEREN’T CHOSEN!” And then grabbing my star of David necklace and holding it out as though to ward them off, and then running away frantically.

I just think it would be so funny!

Pretty sure the Westboro Baptist Church people would be the MOST startled to find that God was a lesbian goddess. It would basically immediately prove that their entire life’s mission had been not only meaningless, but in fact, completely opposing to what Goddess wants/loves/tolerates/preaches.

Speaking of Westboro: I hate you all. However, I am seeing more and more articles online of people using their hatred and animosity against them. People like hysterical comedian Lisa Lampanelli, who when WBC protested one of her shows, she went outside, counted how many were there, and then donated $1000 for each member in the protest to the Gay Mens Health Crisis.

Or Clayton High School in Missouri. In February, for some unknown reason, WBC decided to protest against gay people there. In response, the Clayton H.S. Gay-Straight Alliance held a counter-protest. Them, fellow members of their community and even kids from other schools, raised money for every minute the WBC was there protesting. The Clayton GSA had a protest slogan too: “Love Conquers Hate.”

Simply by continuing to protest, and to carry out their ridiculous hatred across the country, the WBC is actually helping raise money for what they are protesting against.

Is there anything more amazing and heartwarming than teenagers, in addition to tons of people from their own community, coming together to preach love and tolerance, and showing their support for one another?

http://www.sodahead.com/living/quizhow-friendly-are-you/question-2533385/?link=ibaf&q=&esrc=s

Freaking gorgeous. It just goes to show that yes, love can conquer hate, tolerance is spreading, and we, the younger generation, can change the world and make our mark.

Let us conclude this with a short prayer:

Oh, Lesbian Goddess in the Sky. We pray to you for many things, praise you for many things you do, and sometimes, we pray really hard for the Yankees to take the pennant again this year. Peace out, Lady In The Sky.

Praying or just got hit with a ball? Who knows?