Watching the Oscars for the First Time.

So, last weekend for the first time in my life, I watched the Oscars. Of course, I didn’t watch all the crap leading up to it, as I don’t care who wore what and more importantly, Chopped was on.

Boyfriend had a couple of guy friends over, and they were talking about Seth MacFarlane, and we all think he’s funny, so we switched it on for at least the opening monologue. And ended up leaving it on all night.

Let me reiterate: I was there. But I was the ONLY girl there. And don’t even think about letting them tell you it was all me watching the Oscars.

The “We Saw Your Boobs” song was funny (If you missed it, watch it here!). I don’t get why some people are getting all offended by it in real life. First off, he didn’t sing about YOUR boobs. Secondly, all the ones he mentioned are legitimate celebrity-boob-sightings, and thirdly, it’s not like he filmed their boobs and showed it to people. The actresses chose to strips down in the movies. And it was FUNNY. Grow a humerus, people.

Actually, the whole thing was pretty entertaining. Boyfriend and I go see most new movies (Damn right, new Die Hard! I love you, Bruce Willis! You’re the old, white, bald action hero of my dreams!), and so we’d actually seen a good maybe 80% of the movies that were nominated, which was kinda cool.

And how amazing is the name “Quvenzhane”? So, so amazeballs. I’ve been using the word “amazeballs” more than usual lately. I’m not really sure why, I just find it fun to say.

One thing I don’t get: all the hate on Anne Hathaway. Come on, people! The Princess Diaries? Ella Enchanted? EXACTLY. She’s rad and she can sing. Suck it up, Buttercup, I think she’s great.

But not as great as Jennifer Lawrence, whom I also love. Go HERE and read some of her funniest and best quotes, and I know you’ll agree. She’s the kind of girl I’d love to hang out with, maybe go drinking and to a casino. Or for margaritas and nachos. Because come on, everyone loves margaritas and nachos. Also, she flipped the bird to the press at the Oscars because one of them made a snarky remark about trying not to fall next time. The look on her face? Priceless.

The one finger salute...

...Realizing she's in a room full of press at the Oscars.

Also, I really liked the Hunger Games books and she’s done a good job so far not making Katniss terrible. Jennifer Lawrence, if you’re reading this, you wanna come over to my place for beer and wine and some full-contact Trivial Pursuit? Perhaps some Taboo or Cranium, if we want to get really crazy.

Anyway, I sat around for a few hours watching the Oscars with 3 dudes, while playing a puzzle game on a tablet thingy. We had some fun colorful commentary. I do think Ben Affleck should have been nominated more for Argo. That movie was great. One of the few dramas I saw. (I am usually much more into comedies and action. I like some drama, but I rarely-to-never watch horror movies. I get too into them and get freaked out.)

Speaking of movies, I saw the new Die Hard (what is it, the 17th?) last weekend. It was awesome. Oh, sigh, Bruce Willis, I love you and your bald shiny head (other shiny bald-headed guys I like include Tom Colicchio [I met him!!] and Patrick Stewart [sadly, I’ve not met him]). I don’t know how many more times Willis can be McClane before he is too old to run from explosions, but I am not-so-secretly hoping for at least one more! Other action stars who may be getting a little old for grabbing onto the bottom of helicopters and hanging off of them before shooting them down and falling to safety: Stallone (and if you’re reading this, my mother can quote all the Rambos! And I ran up the Rocky steps in Philly!), Clint Eastwood (though I love you, you’re like 80!), Harrison Ford (come on, you know the dude is old), and others. So sad.

LOOK AT THIS BEARD.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them all. But at some point, someone needs to stand up and say “Hey, man. I can’t be ninja-rolling on cars and jumping off the roof all day. Imma break a hip or somethin’.”

Though now that I think about it, a race consisting of only old guys ninja-rolling around and shooting at stuff would be pretty awesome. Survivor: Aging Badasses. WHO WILL GET THE ROSE? Wait. Wrong show? Is this the one where they vote each other off the island? Okay then. I want to place my vote to be allowed ON the island. When I was little, I wanted to be a Bat Boy at major league baseball games. Since that particular dream didn’t come true, and I am also not a boy, I think that I should be allowed to be the person who runs around to all the Badasses in this competition and give them schedules and run errands and stuff. Maybe even judge the competition. I have many skills!

I can see the ad for it in my head right now: They've saved the world. They've hunted the bad guys. And now...they are...IN IT TO WIN IT! Watch Chuck Norris try to roundhouse the competition in Survivor: Aging Badasses! This summer on FOX!

(If anyone at Fox uses that at some point, I demand payment! This blog is timestamped!)

Anyway, I feel like the Oscars were fun, in their own way. They certainly aren't the Tonys. I mean...they had Neil Patrick Harris! And musical numbers every 5 minutes. But I loved the Joseph Gordon Levitt-Harry Potter dance, and the other dancing numbers near the beginning. That was very cool. The Shatner bit was super cheesy, though!