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Thursday, September 12, 2013

I Love Satan and Hate Lost Dogs According to Facebook.

No, I will not like or share.
I refuse to play that game.
Oh, I guess I must love Satan
As I scroll past with no shame.

Stop posting news stories saying
Everything is a gigantic danger-ball about to explode.
And stop asking me to change your privacy settings
Those are lies, and I feel like we’ve discussed this before.

Apparently, I adore cancer
And I hate lost kids and dogs.
I scroll right past all your requests,
And that scrolling must mean that also, I hate God.

I don’t care about your
Political leanings,
And I certainly don't give a bother
About what you think of MY political leanings.

Candy crush gets no love,
I won’t like your bands page.
I won’t retweet your random picture,
Is this really our popularity gauge?

I do like the pics of your kids,
At least occasionally.
But don’t be one of THOSE Facebook
Parents who no longer post about ANYTHING but their kids.
...I miss my friend, you used to be cool.

I definitely don’t care that
Your mom said you’d get
A new XBOX for
ONE MILLION LIKES.

What kind of example is
That for a kid anyway?
Get off your ass and do some chores
And save money to buy it yourself.

Do you actually think there’s
A trauma surgeon out there,
Scrubbing in to save a kid’s life,
Who stops and yells
“I’ll only do it for ONE MILLION SHARES!
Any less, and screw the Hippocratic oath,
I’m not picking up that scalpel!”

I like the funny jokes you post,
And the links to interesting news.
Is it so wrong that I don’t care
About what you had for dinner?
Unless it was pie. I usually care about pie.

I love my sister and brothers.
I love my family,
I have no burning desire to
Share a MS Paint picture to prove it.
I’m a grown up, I can say “Hey dude, I love your face.”
RIGHT TO THEIR ACTUAL FACE.

Shocking.

Come to think of it,
There should be an
“I don’t care” button
That would adequately allow
Me to express my level of caring.
Unless I didn’t even care enough to hit the button.
Alanis would say that was ironic.
She’d be wrong, but she’d say it.

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