The Most Hated Day of the Week.

Well. Monday is once again upon us. In it’s own lumbering, sleepy, deceptively casual way, it is welcoming us into the week.

People are always like “Screw Mondays!” and “I hate Mondays!” and “Why can’t Monday just go fling itself enthusiastically from the tops of a buttressed castle, into the churning waves and rocks below and leave us alone?!”

Oh, Garfield. So cute and fluffy, yet so angry.

WELL. First of all, you people have a wonderfully lyrical way about your insults, and I have to say, I am once again delighted by you not being terribly stupid.

Secondly, that is just not nice. In fact, it is rude, and do you kiss your mother with that rude mouth? I bet if she heard you say something like that to ANYTHING other than Mondays, she would wash your mouth out with soap, give you at least a mildly stern talking-to, and probably ground you, not letting you go to that wicked awesome party on Friday night that just everyone will be at, therefore pushing you to the very depths of your social caste.

It is not Monday’s FAULT that it is at the beginning of the week. Back in the Olden Days, when people were deciding stuff like that, they could have just as easily decided that work weeks ran Thursday through Monday, and then we would all adore Mondays, mildly tolerate Fridays, and live for Tuesday nights. Though of course, Tuesday nights would no longer be happy hour all night.

The point is, Monday is, in fact, providing a service. It allows you all to hate it, while revering Friday and Saturday, and taking all of your harsh words and cruel thoughts, in order to allow the week to begin.

Chew on this: Without a Monday to start the week, there would be no week-end. Oh yeah, baby. Food for thought.

Another thing everyone hates: That song “Friday” by Rebecca Black. Honestly, I hate it more than I hate corn. Which is a lot. Actually, part of me dreads Fridays because I know at least a couple of my jerky friends still think it’s funny to post that video on Facebook every single Friday, hoping, clearly, to torment the rest of us, start controversy, and make our ears bleed.

Don't worry, it's a screencap, not the video. Even I'm not that cruel.

Here’s the thing: The song is terrible, the lyrics are dumb, the girl doesn’t have that great of a voice, and the video is bad. Having said that, I feel slightly bad for the girl. She was only 13, and half the world was spewing hatred on Youtube and random internet sites. She maybe didn’t deserve all of that hatred, seeing as how she’s so young. On the other hand, she put it out there, online, for the world to see, and has, amazingly, benefitted and profited from it, so I guess it worked out for her in the end?

When I was little, I wanted to be a famous singer. I was so sure that I wanted everyone to know my name, everyone to know my face, kinda like Roxie Hart in Chicago! As I got older, I quickly realized that I did NOT want to be famous. I like being myself, knowing who my friends are, and pretty much being anonymous.

...unless everyone adores my blog and writes enough letters to Random House and Penguin, and I get a book deal and I get to spend the rest of my life doing one of the things I love best: writing and making people laugh, or think, or hate. I don’t care what emotion my writing stirs in you (though, gun-to-my-head, I prefer laughter), I want it to make you feel anything. Isn’t that what art is? Emotion on a page.

So, I definitely don’t want to be famous and live in the fishbowl we force our celebrities into. I do still want to make music and sing, I’ve simply switched to wanting to be the words behind the face. My hope is that someday, someone else who is out there in the limelight, will open their mouths and sing the words I’ve painstakingly written.

Wow.. This isn’t funny at ALL. How do you people stand me? Well, for the readers out there, here’s a couple funny pickup lines, courtesy of Comedy Central’s website. :) Not that they work, I’m not endorsing anything, here! But...if they DO work, I definitely want to know about it! You’re welcome. Love, The Best Wingman You’ll Ever Have.

Pickup Line Panda in his finest hour.

Because of my Anthropology background, I have no choice but to include this one:
“If I said you had a pronounced sloping brow, would you hold it against me?"

A lame pickup line. Has this EVER worked? However...a decent rebuttal.
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.”
Answer: “I don’t have to rearrange it, because “N” and “O” are already together.”

Alright, this one made me snort-chuckle, so I feel honor-bound to include it. Is this outside the box thinking?
“I'd like to think inside your box.”

And last, but certainly not least, an Astronaut pickup line:
“My unit would like to explore your crater.”

If any of these work, it would be Barney Stinson playbook epic!

Back to Mondays. Haterz be hatin’. I am officially going to pledge here and now, to stop hating Mondays, and simply accept that every 7th day in my life, my alarm clock will wake me at a time that is wholly unacceptable, with a hauntingly familiar sound that vaguely reminds me of the stuff of which nightmares are made, and that I will then begrudgingly climb out of bed with a pout for myself and a sneer at the fact that Boyfriend gets to continue sleeping precious more time. I will rise above the ridiculous disease “the Mondays,” and I will take a shower, and wash away what’s left of the night, the weekend, the sleeping in, and I WILL STEP FORTH INTO THE WORLD. If not with a smile on my face, then at least without a grimace.

If not now, when? IF NOT ME, WHO?

Also, if you’ve ever said “Looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays! Yuk yuk yuk!” Then you are dead to me. And I will make sure I kill you first when the Zombie Apocalypse comes.

I flippin' LOVE THIS MOVIE. Doesn't mean I won't hate you if you say it.