October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and how better to celebrate than to talk about breasts?
Breasts are great! There are about a million fun ways to refer to them, there are a bajillion studies about them, and about 83% of time, we can render the object of our desire speechless with them. Being that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we have the perfect excuse to talk about chest-melons, knockers, tatas, and yahoos. However you want to refer to them, this post is dedicated to them!
Fun fact: Squeezing the boobs can help prevent cancer!
An actual study was done, and researchers at the UC Berkeley and the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory found that “mechanical forces and applying physical pressure on the breasts can stop the rapid growth of cancer and prevent out of control cells from turning malignant.”
Read about it here.
I think we all know that research grant money is being well spent. here, enjoy a couple more random and odd reasearch studies I came across!
Canada and Britain once teamed up to do a study on whether or not herrings (yes, fish) communicate via farts. Intriguing.
The answer is somewhere between “probably” and “yes.” At least, that is what the scientists seem to conclude from their rigorous studies.
A Russian physician and cosmonaut once ran a study where 11 men lay down in bed for over a YEAR. He actually has a really good reason for doing the study (namely to find out what happens to a person during a long journey in weightless conditions), but it’s still kind of weird. RUSSIANS.
Babraham Institute researchers figure that sheep can recognize faces. They found this out by training selected sheep (Who selects these sheep? Did the sheep consent to this??) to associate other sheep and humans with food rewards. Apparently 20 sheep were presented with pictures of 25 pairs of sheep faces and from this they found they could recognize individuals associated with a reward by even just their profile.
I can't decide if it's creepy or cool that sheep recognize faces. When it's birds, it's definitely creepy. When it's dolphins, it's adorable. I want to go with adorable for sheep. Because baby sheep are fluffy and cute. But have you smelled adult sheep? Less cute.
Read more here.
BACK TO BOOBS!
Breasts are great. They are fluffy and are good pillows, they provide more fat to protect your tender and easily-hurt lung and chestal region, and they bounce, which can be either fun or painful, depending on the situation. Example: trotting while on horseback without wearing the proper support: OUCHIES (learned THAT the hard way). Jumping on a trampoline: meh, not really painful.
More fun facts about bazoombas!:
-No one knows why, but humans are the only primates or mammals to have full breasts without actually having ‘suckling young.’
Read more here, because you know you want to.
-All women know that it’s completely normal to have one twin bigger than her sister. However, interestingly, in 65% of women, it’s the LEFT one that is bigger.
http://jenapincott.com/why-is-your-left-breast-larger-than-the-right/
http://jenapincott.com/why-is-your-left-breast-larger-than-the-right/
-There are FOUR different types of nipples. Plus “unilateral,” which is when each of your two are different types. ONE TYPE IS AN INNIE.
-Up to 85% of women are wearing the wrong bra size. WHOA. We should all go get measured and make sure our fluffy twin companions are as comfy and supported as possible.
I support my boobs! I support their thoughts and feelings, their names, their hopes and dreams, themselves so they aren't saggy, and I support their right to well-fitted support!
-70% of women are are down on their girls’ size, according to research published in the International Journal of Sexual Health.
That is an insanely high percentage of women who don’t like their size. On the one hand, there is surgery to fix that. On the other hand, that surgery is expensive and scary. And sometimes you end up with weird rock-hard boobs, which is offensive to all hands that like squishiness. Don't be down on your girls, ladies! Love them, be proud of them! Walk tall and thrust them forward with confidence! You are gorgeous the way you are, and you should give them a pat of appreciation occasionally, so that they know you care.
-Current sizing standards in bras were created by Ida Rosenthal and her husband William, founders of Maidenform, in the 1920s.
Way more recent than I would have suspected for standard-sizing of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders! Although, as I wrote that, I am wondering why we are STILL NOT ON A STANDARD CLOTHING SIZE CHART. A medium at one store is a large at another, a size 8 pants in one brand is a size 4 in a different brand. Complete and utter crap. That is ridiculous and annoying and the exact reason why I don’t buy clothes online, because I always have to TRY THAT CRAP ON before I buy it. Standardized sizing would help the e-commerce industry! (Does that fit on a picket sign? Where would I picket about this?)
-Men’s Breast Fact Time! Men who are longdistance runners have to put special tape over their nipples. This is because the friction caused by rubbing against the (gross, sweaty) shirt chafes their tiny flat man-nipples.
A SPECIAL BOOB FACT JUST FOR THE MEN (consider this a thank you for reading this far into this post, which turned out to be very different than what you thought when you saw the title.)
-Staring at boobs extends a man’s life by five years!!!
Apparently it might be a hoax and not a real study, but I think we can all agree that this should be real. YOU’RE WELCOME, MEN OF THE WORLD, AND LADIES WHO LIKE BREASTICLES.
So, we have reached the conclusion of my facts about boobles. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I urge you to give your lady friends a squeeze now and then. After all...you want to help them prevent breast cancer, don’t you?! C’mon, ladies. It’s a boobshake instead of a hello handshake. I think we could really make this catch on! It can be our lady thing, like men have that stupid-looking chest bump that always looks awkward, sometimes ends in hilarious tragedy, and is even weirder when one dude is significantly taller than the other dude.
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