There seem to be a lot of articles online lately about things parents should do, or articles by parents saying what childless heathens should and should not do (and mostly, just to ‘deal with it because you aren’t parents and you don’t understand’). [Note: for some reason, I’ve seen a lot of these articles lately. Not sure why. This is my response to them.]
One thing that bugs me is someone saying something like “you don’t know what tired means until you have a baby!” Or “you don’t understand love until you have kids!”
That’s unfair. I totally understand that you love your whiny kid more than you thought possible, and that you’ve endured some crazy sleepless nights with it, but to cheapen the love and/or tiredness that I’ve experienced isn’t really fair. I’ve had late nights studying or partying, or when my insomnia unfortunately kicks in, and I’ve loved. I love Boyfriend, my family, the friends who have become family, and others.
What you’re basically saying is that the love I feel for my expensive workout clothes or my mom isn’t actually love. It’s simply a cheap facsimile of what I think love MIGHT be, but doesn’t even scratch the surface of REAL LOVE.
No, that isn’t patronizing or condescending at all.
I get what you’re TRYING to say, but what comes out is sanctimonious tripe disguised as advice for childless freaks.
Maybe an alternative could be “You would not believe how tiring it is to have kids.” Or “I didn’t know I could feel this much love before shooting this snotfactory out of me.” Both of these statements are probably true, and don’t throw hate at non-child-having people. See the difference?
Several of the articles I mentioned talk about how rude and unacceptable it is when childless people comment on kids or parenting issues. Though I may not have kids of my own, I’m certainly allowed to have opinions on kids and parents and parenting styles. I mean, I don’t have cancer either, but I stand pretty firm on my opinion that cancer is bad and chemo is probably a good treatment for it.
Maybe you don’t want to hear my opinions on how you raise your kids. Fine by me. I would also like to not hear your opinions on why my life is meaningless without any.
I just don’t understand why all of this even needs to be addressed. If you have kids, I think that’s awesome, and I’m super happy for you and I really love kids, so if they are near me, I’ll play with them and stuff. If I don’t have any, I’m not sure how that in any way affects you. I mean, I can see how it affects ME.
I can sleep in as late as I want on the weekends, and can follow that up with a whole day of watching Modern Family and Bones. I can eat a dinner of chocolate cheerios if I want, and can avoid any and all drop off lanes in front of schools. I can also leave the apartment whenever I want without hiring a babysitter, and watch non-family-friendly TV shows, like Game of Thrones, in the middle of the day. I can wait until I’m ready to have kids, instead of people thinking I should already be ready.
Most importantly, I hate Spongebob and Caillou, so I can completely avoid those!
The reality is, whether we have kids or not, we are all people and everyone should live their life as they see fit, doing what works best for them on the timeline that makes them happy.
My brother got married at 22, my best friend in the whole world at 25. Was I at all ready at 22 (hell no) or 25 (still no, but not as rude about it)? You only get the one life. Do it the way that works best for you.
I guess for me, I just don’t even understand why these articles need to exist. A lot of the ones I’ve been seeing are basically moms talking about how hard being a parent is (agreed!) while also bashing non-parents, basically for existing. Why? Why is this happening?
Also, you should really check out stfuparentsblog.com. It is really, really funny.
In the end, we should all do what we want, when we want. I don’t let some arbitrary timeline rule how I live my life. I’m also not super concerned about how other people choose to live their lives. As long as they aren’t endangering me (or others! Example: I am against drunk driving, even if you are not physically near me. I’m also against teenage driving.), I’m good with their choices.
Be yourself, share your wisdom, feel free to dispense advice (but understand that it may not be taken, and be ok with that!), share your experiences. But don’t try to push your choices on someone else. That’s not fair.
And while I may have finally accepted that LIFE isn’t fair, I still want and expect people to be.
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