Where is my book deal, Random House?

How does one become famous with a blog? Don’t think I haven’t noticed that there are blogs out there that have become super popular and gotten book deals and stuff.  I’m just saying, I am up to what, 11, maybe 12 posts now? I should totally be famous. I have not yet reached my blog-pinnacle.

I mean, obviously I am hilarious. That’s how this works. If you HAVE a blog, you automatically are super hilarious. Causing hilarity and guffaws wherever you go. Chuckles, even. Sometimes giggles, but I’ll admit that I find giggling annoying, and I associate it in my mind with boy-crazy 13 year old girls, who should still be thinking about toys and stuff and not boys, and have you noticed that kids are having sex younger and younger and even getting pregnant super young? Have they never heard of condoms? I mean, if you think you’re old enough for the emotional and physical step of sex, then perhaps you should be old enough to walk into any of the 17 gazillion drugstores in every town and buy a box of condoms. Condoms are kind of expensive, but babies are way MORE expensive, and that ass-whooping I’ll give my kid who tries this stuff will hurt a lot more than the minor embarrassment of buying them in a store.

Because that is the kind of BS excuse I see on stuff like MTVs 16 and Pregnant. “I was too embarrassed to buy condoms.” Really? Guess that embarrassment didn’t extend to not going on national TV and discussing it.

And stop being such idiots. There are so many ways to get the information. It’s not like you didn’t know that pregnancy and STDs were a possibility. And if a guy (or girl!) ever tells you that you have to have sex with them to “prove your love” or some such crap, then they are totally playing you and you need to have a bit more self-respect to let them know that if they really loved you, they’d be willing to wait ‘til you felt ready and comfortable making that step.

Whoa! That was a tangent if I’ve ever seen one!  OK, so back to my not-yet-famous-ness. I am going to concede that not that many people know about my blog yet, so maybe I just need to wait a few more weeks. Hmm…my sister finally admitted I’m funny. It’s a win, trust me. I always joke around and tell my brothers and sister: “Don’t forget, I’m awesome and funny!” And the typical response is: “How can I forget if you’re always reminding me??” So true, Confucius.

I promise if I get book-level famous, which is actually the level I WANT, not actual famous with people knowing who I am, then I swear I will put at last half to 2/3 new material in the book and not just recycled entries. This is a ridiculous promise. I have all of about 7 people that read my blog right now. Lol!! This entertains me.

Other things that entertain me (not a complete list by a long shot): my guilty pleasure tabloid magazines (shut UP.), my best friends, people who freak out in a light misting rain, penguins, sea otters, complaining about the inherent false advertising of the koala bear (THEY ARE ADORABLE LIARS!), youtube, Boy Meets World, funny poems, stickers, mail-order brides, and old people.